A Bluer Christmas

I can hear all the quiet suddenly.
Its nowhere near what quiet used to be.
The lights are quieter & the streets seem new
There aren't many who're trying to break free.

I don't know how long it has been
One day u left home just suddenly
And all i can now do is yearn for you.
Run in circles to find a sign of you.


I won't give up yet
I'd wait a thousand winters if I could
I will see u yet
Come back soon before I start to forget.


Scattered in lights the city shines brand new.
The cold is come the winter wind is biting blue.
But with u not around my summers are even cold.
Christmas will be bluer again without you.



I won't give up yet
I'd wait a thousand winters if I could
I will see u yet
Come back soon before I start to forget.

Some.Day

Somedays you lay back to think of what to do.
Somedays are when you have nothing left to do.
Somedays are when you tell yourself its alright.
Somedays are when just nothing seems to be right.
Somedays you look outside and you know what to do.
Somedays you keep staring without ever meaning to.
Somedays never seem to pass when you want it so bad.
Somedays are so good that you never know when its passed.
Somedays you call a friend to tell them what is wrong.
Somedays you keep to yourself and tell yourself to be strong.
Somedays are lonelier and you want someone by your side.
Somedays are so full of life you forget to see the light.


Someday you will realize what you did was fine.
Someday you will realize there's no need for lying.
Someday you will realize that you cant just have it all.
The closest you will get is when you start to fall.

Uncertain reasons of joy

A small part of me knows when to step back
but most of the times I never listen to it.
I know my steps forward can never always bring me luck
but I try nevertheless with utmost conviction.

Blessed is he who cannot know what is right or wrong
because in our world of uncertainty
there is always an existential fight.
you may never know where or what you did wrong.
but deep down,u believe it or not,
u know you alone are responsible.

I try n try hard to please everyone in sight
end up failing myself
flailing arms open wide.
I go ahead barge full steam.
and when I have crossed the line
I am sorry more than i have ever been.

"A little gesture goes a long way" 'they' say
I dunno where 'they' came from
because i find all the words there to be astray.

But at the end of every trip
I find time to look back.
and laughter comes gushing forth somehow
whether i did wrong or right.
The delight is unbounded.
The reason is still unknown.
All i know is I am ready
for my next trip that's in store.

Sixteen

When i was sixteen
I cudnt stop staring
Stealing glances
At all the women passing by.

The class teacher
As well as the tutor
And the girl
In the next house in the sweater.


But hey wasn’t it fun?
To be looking at a whole new dimension?
And yeah! Call it fortune
That I was never the serious one.

U can very well imagine now
The man that I am
But I’ll be glad to tell u ur wrong.

Theres a whole new side to me
That I never knew existed
N its wilder than what I’d known.


So yeah! Isn’t it fun?
To be feeling up a whole new dimension?
And yeah! Call it fortune
That I was never the serious one.

Fade

Fade away slowly till u seem like smoke.
Then fade farther till u don't sting any one's eyes.
She wouldn't miss you i bet,
nor would anyone else.
It wouldn't seem much of a surprise.

Lie close to her, hold her heart so it doesn't break,
speak nothings to her so she can sleep off slow.
Do it once, twice and then everyday.
If your not smoke by then u can have your way.

Bring them flowers, take them places.
With a smile on your face, show u don't care for yourself.
Do it once,twice and then everyday.
If your not smoke by then u can have your way.

You don't have the strength it takes to smile anymore.
What use are you if you can't make it rain anymore?
All trouble wants is contentment.
Contentment on the other hand doesn't recognize itself.
Before u have time to seize the day, the day seizes u,
ties u down,strangles u.
Keep working at the knots, you'll never break free.
Keep fading away to smoke, yeah then your free.

The Traitor

Never did he falter on his way
A little school boy carrying a yellow balloon on Sundays
The ruffled hair, eyes taking in everything
Surprised and confused yet knowing in a way
Contented in his troubles
Consumed by the population
It was always his renditions
Which got him through the days.


Sunlit kid, wont u look at me once?
Turn your eyes back one last time?
Let me see the eyes for a moment.
Where have u waded in your sorrow?
Seeping memories don’t last forever
Sleeping ones do, from beneath the earth.


When the wind blows that fringe over your forehead
I am reminded once again
Of the little boy I lost somewhere.
I killed you and you killed me again and again.
No wrong was left to right.


As the last bird flew away
And the guns echoed their fearful roars
I watched as you finally turned to me.


The crowd screamed their satisfaction
While I watched the balloon rise to the clouds.
The green on the other side welcomed you as you sank in the pool of red.
Helpless,
Breathless,
Expressionless.
A single tear licked my nose as I steered my sight to the skies above.


A small pool of light fell on your ruffled hair,
Brown glinted off it while your eyes stared and stared.
With practiced steps, the mechanical whores
Scooped you up and laid you bare.
The trumpet marshaled triumph
The people cried in joy.
The traitor, a hole in his head
The nation couldn’t spare.

Falling....

Its not been many years down the road
But they make u feel its been a long long time.
Its time now they understood who u r.
The little boy isn't around anymore.

They never asked you how things were.
Expected u to just tell them everything.
But what they never saw was that little seed of anger ready to bloom any day.
You wanted your way and they,theirs.
Since you didn't talk that much,it made things hard.
Hard to arrive at a compromise.

So you went your way, and they went theirs.
Occasionally your roads would meet.
And an outburst would be inevitable.
A volley of screams and incoherent words would follow.
Things haven't changed, they still look the same.
Just that you keep praying for no more of it
In the days that are yet to come.

But after all this time,yes you have grown.
From that lonely kid in that green colored room to a lonely man in the same.
The others don't seem to bother, and get on with their ways.
You try to follow suit, but end up lonely again.
It's all a lie you convince yourself
But all you do in fact,is hide yourself.
There are reasons to be out there, be free and let it rain.
But the lies have made you cynical of what is actually sane.

Complaints...

Why does nothing ever seem right? I know yeah I complain too much but I can't help it. And this phase of no work to do is killing. Severe bouts of self-introspection is dangerous. And this phase is bringing huge doses of it. But what am I gonna say? Or do? The bugging part is no one else seems free. I know I appear busy to other people too. But most times, I am not. I have realized everyone can go ahead without me. People who I have always thought couldn't somehow. A few have started working, others gone abroad, others preparing for studies and the ones then left are plain aloof and don't seem to give a fish.

Music has taken a drastic turn. I have been doing shows now. With my own band with Samantak, Letters Blue. Feels weird to be out there. And people like me. That's weirder. But then again, because of the fact that I suffer from a writer's block most of the time and end up writing crappy forced out stuff and keep complaining about it(Again!!), I can't write anything. And making up songs is tough and playing guitar is tough too. And I can't do that. Complaint. I know I planned a lot of things, and I do not again understand why I am so lazy. And I have complaints about it too.

I wish I could take control. But I need a free independent surrounding to show my true colors and with my nosy n loud family around all the time it just isn't possible.

P.S. Curiously, there might be somebody who will accidentally see this post and comment on how frustrated I am. The dodo never realizes that I know it and hence the posts. That certain person always believes that I don't seem to know. Forgets that I wrote the stuff down. :P :P Hahahaha!

An Old House and Rats

I found a dirty old house with rusted gates.
When I went inside I found a maze.
At the end of the maze was a gigantic double bed.
Covered in dirt and cobwebs, i jumped on instead.
I spread my arms.I relaxed a little bit.
And that was when I found those lumps in the quilt.

A little lump a little bump
hiding under the sheets.
I pressed it hard, and boy,did they shriek!

I poked it hard, it wiggled away.
Little baby lumps of rats
living in a tray.

It's Alright

This one's for a friend:


Its a mystery is what it is
Not being in the light
Its just flashes in erratic fits
and again the unending fight.

She would never tell me, Amelia
And I kept wondering what was wrong.
It was always those sad eyes
hidden behind the sparkly pretty laugh.
It was never really out there
But I kept wondering what was wrong.
True enough
I am not entitled to know
But such sadness has a charm to it.
But I shouldn't give the word charm to it,
for the sadness in all of it.

My heart yearns to take her hand
and tell her it's alright
But I know she wouldn't ever listen to me
And disappear back into the night.
Erase all the statues you want,
storm the world tonight,
Make sure there's no one but you
In the clustered limelight.

You are strong,but yes sometimes wrong
But all of us are the same in here, Amelia.
Direction is hope,never lose your sight
remember us all,standing by your side.
I wish you'd be who you were before;
not someone, someone else cared for.

Stop a while will you friend?
Tell me your world is right again.
But the dark about you is your light
You'll never give up without a fight.

Tumult

Its easy to confuse
than straighten out the facts in your face.
delusion is another word for life
as it is for people who care.
The world is changed
and with it, changed have we.

Let alone yourself in a dark room one day.
the mere suffocation of it all
is but a mere fraction of what reality is.
Wasn't there a time when everything was what it was
And not something it was supposed to be?
Time closes your eyes before you know it's time to close your eyes.

Kindle in yourself a little fire.
Let it burn for a while.
But the strangeness of the fire is that you will not feel a thing at all.
Hold on they say, but to what they never do.
You're stuck where you are forever,
claiming it's not your fault.
But the fault isn't yours either, Is it?

Destiny can change a man's life
as it can ruin one's.
All is written beforehand and you are nobody to cross Her path.
Do what you will, change however you may,
what you see is never what it is.
But What you see is always What it is.

The stars conspire with the planets
On what is to become of each soul.
Its their universe we forget
where we are just passing souls.

Never will we ever find joy
because we have taught each other greed.
Our needs and wants grow each day
and we plant them again in our seeds.

Instead of taking in sights the stars offer us to see
we are busy plotting growth curves,
trying to be heroes we will never be.
Cursed upon by our own selves
Yet tried to be loved by the trees
we have failed every hope
and been brought down to our knees.

A little bit caught up in so much that’s on offer
Its hardly a question why you aren't there for each other.
Every break of dawn tells you the night is past but will come again
But yet you while away, while away till its too late to know yourselves.

Stand still for once and look back at the road
Bending and twisting, disappearing into the trees.
Stand still for once and you will see every little thing
Every detail in your world without a crease.

Happiness is but a lie in the face on the face
Another effect built by the unknowing defeated human race.
Yet it exists in a way not known to u, me, she or him.
It hides, flows, vanishes, burns and kills if need be.
Such is its power and to seek it we lust
Disintegrating religiously,
stitching back again and again
till nothing’s left but rust.

A contemplative evening sets free businesses and ships
But never the thought of picking life up from where we had lost it.
An evening with friends separates the laughter from the guilt
But never the thought that that's what life is.

Children

Saying goodbye to children is one of the worst things in this world. Every child, however quiet, however naughty or loud, brings about a certain new effervescence to life. Being grownups, what is it that draws us to children so much? The innocence about them, the ability to take in everything quietly, the prospect of not understanding the world, the ability to please and be the center of attraction, the blatant shows of love, the unrestrained questions, remarks and statements at anything and everything? Maybe all of that. Maybe not. But having children around makes for a better life. You learn so much. You do not act rashly around them. You control so much. Your will power, ability to love and understand and be a better human being grows more than anything. Just for the sake of the child. The attachment is unspoken, the bond is secure, the time spent flies ahead. But when the time comes to go own ways, the sadness,too, is unrestrained. You find yourself a more compassionate person, better at understanding people and dealing with them. And you know you're the better man. And you know that's what counts.


Dedicated to the school car pool drivers, the school bus drivers, the swimming trainers, the teachers in schools and creches, the tutors and people in similar professions.

Out of Reach

A while’s passed between when the bell rang for the first time and now. Seems like yesterday yet far away out of reach. We were so eager to get to that next level, we didn't pause to let that last bell sink in. We just waited for it to ring. As it did, an uncontrollable joy burst forth at the prospect of the ending. The ending that was the beginning of another ending.

Every ending is a hard time to go through. With it comes all the smiles, sadness and the promises kept and broken. But it did not matter then. We were on our way to becoming men of the world. How could we know that those very men did yearn to be us? Everything was new; a big world awaited where we assumed we knew much. Maybe we did except for the feelings that came at the end of the day. Those make it worse. Some turned out nosy, some turned out smart, some turned out to be fools, some turned out happy, some turned out sad, some blamed others, and some just wanted to go back. We were scared, nervous, yet eager and enthusiastic. We just wanted the end so that the next level could start. Life has progressed a lot in these days but at every step the burden gets heavier. Looking out for people was never part of the plan. We couldn't even look after our ownselves let alone the others. At times we know that this is what it is, this is how it goes, this is the package, this is life. But there are moments where the longing to ditch and drop everything and run away is just way too much. But we don't at the end because in spite of all that there is, we know what is right and what is wrong.

The best place to run away is back to where we started out. But since we cannot do that there is no use in running. It's a short life-if you can't have the best, why settle for something at all?

Whatever...

Such as not what it is,
is what it is supposed to be.
but it turned out quite what it is on the face.
whatever it may be.

Growing up

Its been quite a while now. Quite a while that am "growing up". The whole process is so complicated, with twists and turns everywhere. Why couldn't it have been a simple straight road? But accepting everything without any other options, i understand it is part of the whole package. There is no way out. Watching films, reading books gave us dimensions in hypernumbers to look forward to. But there is just one way to look. All those stories, the songs are just to help us along the way, a kind of a guide.

I landed a job at Tech Mahindra on the 13th of June,2011. Since then, life has been ultrasmooth somehow. There isn't any threat of eminent exams, no constant bickering with parents, no filling out applications. after 17 years of academics, this does feel rewarding most definitely. But then again, a sense of responsibility, fulfillment, nervousness, apprehension, anxiety, happiness are all mixing, meddling and swirling together to form a very large imaginary incomprehensible mass inside my brain. I am not confused anymore that I know. This is suddenly a new feeling. I now know that when I go out now, I will have acredit card in my wallet, and that very wallet which was once almost empty all the time but filled with scraps of paper, tickets, and other odds and ends will now have bills from shops, cards, ID's, photographs etc etc. That simple little wallet will grow up suddenly too. It all feels so sudden and weird.

My life has been branching out too increasingly. And with all the expanding, I find less and less time for all the people in it. True that I spend a lot of my time at home, but then again I guess it's not just me. Old friends, new friends, keeping track of them all is difficult. Life is taking strange turns. I spend time at the bank, I have to do my own shopping, my parents aren't complaining when I stay out late, they don't have a problem with me watching movies, going out everyday. I know I yearned for all that to stop but I think I kinda miss all that. Its human nature, I guess, to stay in that safe zone; familiarity with the surroundings topping everything else. I never ever in the weirdest, most extreme,wildest of my dreams thought I would miss having school/college, stuff to do, study, listen to parents screaming at me. It just doesn't make sense or does it??
:) :)

Jingle Bells

Well, out of boredom, and amidst a writer's block, this is what I came up with. :P Here is a retake on Jingle Bells. :D

N.B. : Just pronounce Ferrari as Ferraray


Dashing through the snow
In a blood red Ferrari
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Girls all wearing bling
Getting spirit-high
What fun it is to laugh and sing
Any song tonight

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a blood red Ferrari
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
A girl in a Ferrari

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon all the Fanny Brights
Were seated by my side
The night was Christmassy
everything was to top notch
Till one miss fanny bright
Spilled over all the scotch.

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a blood red Ferrari
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
A girl in a Ferrari

Somewhere

Yes somewhere when u found me
I took to u like a blanket on a cold cold night
It was there that i knew what to do about u.

Hushed up smiles, and joy unbound made way through time
while time tried in vain to catch up with us.

Summers spent on swings
listening to guitar making way for frost.
Winters abuzz with people on the street
made us desolate to lost.

In spite of the little joys,
the longing lingered on.
A heartless animal like it seemed to power on.

Rains collected sheets of vapor on the glass,
gave us slates to write us upon.
drops of sweat united
till the heart inside was torn.

Besides that scarf u wore the other day
ur sweater is still with me
the purple one with the whites drawn in
that u wore the day i set u free.

Call upon the wine to stir the night up
a bit of cheese and a rose will do to light up ur face.
We'll wear sunglasses and strut about heroes.
Dangerous in the night to each other,
Yet wanted in a way unexplained.
Soothed by your touch,
you're electrified by my feel,
There are stories that will keep on coming
By the first kiss did we seal.

In time...

This is for every friend with whom ways have parted. Maybe we are in touch, maybe we are not. Its for anyone with who my time and place do not coincide with theirs. After college, when we are all headed out to change our lives, it's a completely different feeling from the one after school.


Someday when there's no dream to follow
I'll find you.
But isn't there always a question of why I never tried before?
It was never because I didn't want to,
It was because I couldn't.

And in time we will meet
Sit beside the moon on a sheet
And in no time we will be back here to where we are
Where you are busy etching the scars.

If it wasn't for you,
I'd never know what to do.