Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Interference

A million waves
interfering every day
my wave doesn't know its way.
It sees its matching color
and knows about the crossing points
but it doesn't play the game.

***
She sits with her dog
and watches the rain
sweep the city in a frenzy
and smiles for no reason.
Like a diamond crumb
found beneath the earth,
she's red, blue, green,
shining gold and silver.
She watches the world
as it succumbs to the storm
numbs the hustling feet
and takes a new form.
She likes this new world
where she can hear her dog breathe.
where her dog is scared of lightning
and not of random people on the streets.


I stare at that photograph of hers for a long time.
I wanted to watch the cleansing with her and her dog.
How an entire world was connected in the most disconnected sense.
Could it be one of those days where things seem to click?

***
The rains cleared the air,
maybe my wave will find its way today.
So I dial- it rings three times and then there's a hesitant "Hello?"
I take a deep breath and dive off the cliff,
Other sounds of the world drown out in the roar of air,
And hit the water- Interference will give way to liberation slow.

One

I just completed a year in the USA.
Whew.
How time flies when there's no time to stop or take a break from work and weekend/holiday adventures.
Life is not what I expected to be in USA. I live in a suburb and for someone who comes from chaotic cities, this has been the worst aspect of this one year. There are no people to meet, to greet, no shops close by, no cafes, no pubs nothing. Grocery is a (an approximately)weekly pompous affair. If not for the fact that I am just zoned inside the laptop, life would have been difficult. I read less this year too, for reasons I cannot fathom. I have had time, but mostly dedicated to shaping my music which, hasn't headed any fruitful direction whatsoever too.

I think back in India, people have a different idea about the USA for which the main reason is media. USA seemed like that country where you are free to do whatever you want, have fun all the time, rock n roll and coast through your life. It's strangely the opposite here, people don't seem to get along unless they are friends, everyone keeps to themselves, and of course, right now is not the best of times for Indian people and other immigrants, there is a lot of crime, American fast food isn't really the best.

But vacations and weekend trips made it worth the while. A lot of adventures and destinations have been taken care of which always had been part of the traveling dreams. The Big Apple trip is coming up next month and I am really excited about that now. I went tubing, white water rafting, surfing and the biggest of them all, skydiving. The adrenaline was on another level. I am going to do it again. I have been to most of the bigger cities and places on the East Coast now. The West Coast is entirely left now. Chicago has been the most beautiful city I have traveled to yet. USA has wonderful scenery and beautiful landscapes. I have been fortunate enough not to have faced issues at airports and flight schedules yet.

Since landing here, I have also done a lot of concerts- Guns n Roses, Coldplay, Dave Matthews Band, A Perfect Circle, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Radiohead, Dream Theater, Regina Spektor, Alterbridge with Metallica(finally!), John Mayer, Gary Clark Jr, Roger Waters still on the cards. The Radiohead concert has changed my life and the way I look at music. Alterbridge was the best concert  I have watched in my life. I missed the Iron Maiden concert recently though due to work. :(

I have not made any American friends in one year, beat that. There are so many Indians here and the world I have here consist mostly of them only. I really don't feel like I am in USA sometimes. But it's been a fun ride with these new people. I have had all the adventures with them which made it way better.

If the visa is not extended , I have just about a year to make the most out of this USA phase. Signing off.


Hollow

Tracks close and separate
the scenery changes.
Time flicks the light switches
we missed our destination.

Now we are somewhere
we've never heard of,
they speak a different language
we'll just wait for another train.

We sit on two ends of an hourglass
knowing there's no escape.
You don't want sand on me
I don't want the sand on you.
But we drown in turns
then breathe in gasps.

I see the train far away
we still have half our plans,
we'll get away
and then go home hollow.

We'll always be on two ends of an hourglass.
You won't want sand on me
I won't want the sand on you.
But we'll drown in turns
then breathe in gasps.

Inspiration

Send for backup
Systems are failing
His work in wiring
All coming undone.

Meanwhile
I will try
my best not to
flail my arms
or swallow saltwater
help will come.
help will come.

His manual
has run out
of troubleshooting methods.
I tried rewiring
the parts,
my fingers burnt.

Meanwhile
I will try
my best not to move and
disturb the balance
of the rock on the mountain edge.
help will come.
help will come.

I don't know.
Nobody knows
what went wrong.
Maybe I was trying
to be too like him,
there cant be two in this world.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

FML

Is there actually a reason I keep writing about love?
Songs that speak about futility
And poems that speak of insecurity.
Maybe I am in love
with the idea of love.
A distant dream
never fulfilled,
kept awakened by hope
and a mess of a life
that seeks to find solace
in fiction.
It's what other human beings would term as hopeless
the kind of endearment found in bygone tales.
Yet here I am,
living one of those tales,
seeking closure of some sort
hanging on by the slimmest of threads.
I don't know her anymore.
I don't know myself anymore.
But I know the idea of love exists somewhere,
I'm hooked to its enchanted arms.
It leads nowhere,
It doesn't have any of  the other worldly charms.
It leaves me broken and sorrowful.
That I could never be the man,
who was the right one in her eyes.
I was different.
She was different.
There were no points for similarity.
Not that there was any,
and that was important,
that decided,
if feelings were scarce,
or if feelings clashed somewhere.
Now it's been years
that I am in love
with the idea of love.
No other woman spoke to my soul
about singularities
and unions of people.
All I am good at now is being terrible at life,

Friday, March 03, 2017

Displacement

Displacement of the body
Displacement of the soul
Displacement of feelings
Displacement of the fact
that it takes a few years
to grow old.

Displacement of anxiety
Displacement of demeanor
Displacement of attachments
Displacement of  fears
that would at one time
make you cower.

Displacement of clothes,
shoes, computers,phones,
TVs, CDs,video games,
books, vehicles and everything material.
Displacement of trees,
sunlight, rain, air, politics,
druglords, religion,
love,notions and everything immaterial.

Displacement leaves gaps
Unfilled and unattended.
Gaping gaps in places
clock hands cannot point to anymore.
I can just visit the edges of the gaps and look into them.
I can make out the faces and gestures swim in its dark pool .
But I can't jump in,
there are mandates surrounding it,
it's not feasible territory anymore.

Displacement is vicious-
Almost primitive in nature.
A deadly predator of sorts
Unbecoming to behold,
Knives hidden under layers
of smooth promise, ageless laughter,
consistent contentment, sobriety
pitted with secrets never to be disclosed.

I was never able to recognize
this dark side that silently plotted
its own curve for my life.     
To me, displacement was freedom,
A new world far from watchful eyes
and ears that fed on the grains of my life;
far from social soreness and known visages,
A mountain that I needed to climb.
                     




Sunday, February 26, 2017

Memes and emojis

An Indian man had to die. This is within just a little over a month of Donald Trump's swearing in as the president of the USA. The roots of racism were buried far underneath the ground all these years. It was there, not totally absent, just out of sight. Ever since he has started being around, there have been several incidents of racism being reported all over the country, not just towards  Indians, towards people of all kinds of ethnicities. And the culmination of that along with no restrictions on guns has resulted in the incident at Kansas city. But there will still be no learning and no steps taken.

Why is it that the Americans want everyone out of their country? Do Indian people look like they just came , made and took jobs from Americans and settled in? No, it's not that easy. Relations and immigration between countries is always a highly controlled matter governed by a vast number of government policies and deals between both countries involved. It was a result of these instated policies and opportunities presented by these agreements that people traveled between the countries. Nobody can just wake up one day and decide," hey, I'm gonna go to American and get a job there" like they are going to get a job in their neighborhood. It takes paperwork, scrutiny, background checks, time and most importantly, the fact that the travel would benefit the US government in some way. Which, in the simplest of the ways, means paying taxes to  the US government. Which, is what a lot of Americans don't seem to get. There are people who think we don't pay taxes. I think my eyes rolled to the back of my head when I first heard this. But it's true. There are people who believe we are just earning money and not paying taxes ,all the while taking their jobs. I mean, if you are in high school and make this statement, I am ready to excuse you and explain it. But when an adult, a working, fully grown adult , and sometimes over 30, makes such statements, I wonder what happened to common sense and thinking before speaking. 

What would happen if there had been no H1B workers in the USA? Life as you know it would never have happened. The technology, the comfort of life all exist because countries united and worked together. I understand there has been misuse of the program in some cases but that's a minor percentage of the companies who have done it. The majority of companies using the H1B program have stuck to the rules. It's not entirely impossible to see that. Everyone is trying to make a life out of this crappy world we are right now in and doing the best we can for friends and family. If it does involve working abroad, meeting new people, creating new ideas, how is that bad? We are social beings, less than dolphins and killer whales though, but still, it's important for human beings to fraternize and collaborate and pursue ideas. 

When a nation progresses, its infrastructure develops, in the natural course of ways, a pride should develop along with it. This seems to have taken a turn for the worse with ego coming in to play. The conservative right wing playing police themselves and the wide array of news articles and videos constantly showing how more Americans have been killed by Americans and the "no gun control" policy than by people from other countries is startling. This development happened because of collaborations with other counties, and with the help of people who came in from other countries. And it did not happen overnight. It built up over the years. And it wasn't common people who just decided to come together and do something- everything is controlled in some way or the other by the governments themselves. This seems to be the point least understood by people who cry blame.

What is it that you mean when you say, "get out of MY country"? That country you are talking about has been shaped and built up over the years by hardworking people from all kinds of nationalities. The life that has been structured for every American is the result of years of hard work by people of all kinds of nationalities. Hypothetically, if after this one incident, all these people just stopped working, do you have any idea what would happen to the global economy, let alone the country's? Do you know how you own life would turn upside down? Hypothetically, if all these jobs were suddenly taken away from people of other nationalities and given to Americans, do you know what kind of a slump in stability you are looking at because the next thing you will do is blame your own government for not training and preparing you enough? Human beings always seek to blame and make excuses when things are rough. It's human nature. Do you know how long it will take to get out of that slump? YEARS! And do you want that? No, because at the same time, you still want to be on the top which is more impossible than anything else in the world. If these people had nothing to lose, they would stop. But they do have things to lose just like Americans too, they want to lead fulfilling lives just like Americans too, they want to reach old age and have stories to tell like Americans too. Don't tell me Americans don't want these things. Every person is just trying to make their way through.  These are things to ponder about- human lives, the common people, the government and understand before making one statement like "get out of my country" and firing a gun. There is something seriously wrong here and the government nor the president seems to be doing anything about it. If anything else, the seeming encouragement is frightening. 


If people in a first world country claim to have guns for safety, I shudder to think what would happen if there was no gun control in third world countries.

P.S. Last weekend we were at New Orleans and a bunch of us were walking through the pavements by the parade and one guy trailing behind. Apparently an old man reveling in the festivities stopped when he saw us and yelled "Fuck you you beggars go back to your country". We didn't hear him but the friend trailing behind saw and heard this. What is this sense of false supremacy that has come to exist? Common sense and humanity have become dwarfed in stupidity and ego.