Sixteen

When i was sixteen
I cudnt stop staring
Stealing glances
At all the women passing by.

The class teacher
As well as the tutor
And the girl
In the next house in the sweater.


But hey wasn’t it fun?
To be looking at a whole new dimension?
And yeah! Call it fortune
That I was never the serious one.

U can very well imagine now
The man that I am
But I’ll be glad to tell u ur wrong.

Theres a whole new side to me
That I never knew existed
N its wilder than what I’d known.


So yeah! Isn’t it fun?
To be feeling up a whole new dimension?
And yeah! Call it fortune
That I was never the serious one.

Fade

Fade away slowly till u seem like smoke.
Then fade farther till u don't sting any one's eyes.
She wouldn't miss you i bet,
nor would anyone else.
It wouldn't seem much of a surprise.

Lie close to her, hold her heart so it doesn't break,
speak nothings to her so she can sleep off slow.
Do it once, twice and then everyday.
If your not smoke by then u can have your way.

Bring them flowers, take them places.
With a smile on your face, show u don't care for yourself.
Do it once,twice and then everyday.
If your not smoke by then u can have your way.

You don't have the strength it takes to smile anymore.
What use are you if you can't make it rain anymore?
All trouble wants is contentment.
Contentment on the other hand doesn't recognize itself.
Before u have time to seize the day, the day seizes u,
ties u down,strangles u.
Keep working at the knots, you'll never break free.
Keep fading away to smoke, yeah then your free.

The Traitor

Never did he falter on his way
A little school boy carrying a yellow balloon on Sundays
The ruffled hair, eyes taking in everything
Surprised and confused yet knowing in a way
Contented in his troubles
Consumed by the population
It was always his renditions
Which got him through the days.


Sunlit kid, wont u look at me once?
Turn your eyes back one last time?
Let me see the eyes for a moment.
Where have u waded in your sorrow?
Seeping memories don’t last forever
Sleeping ones do, from beneath the earth.


When the wind blows that fringe over your forehead
I am reminded once again
Of the little boy I lost somewhere.
I killed you and you killed me again and again.
No wrong was left to right.


As the last bird flew away
And the guns echoed their fearful roars
I watched as you finally turned to me.


The crowd screamed their satisfaction
While I watched the balloon rise to the clouds.
The green on the other side welcomed you as you sank in the pool of red.
Helpless,
Breathless,
Expressionless.
A single tear licked my nose as I steered my sight to the skies above.


A small pool of light fell on your ruffled hair,
Brown glinted off it while your eyes stared and stared.
With practiced steps, the mechanical whores
Scooped you up and laid you bare.
The trumpet marshaled triumph
The people cried in joy.
The traitor, a hole in his head
The nation couldn’t spare.

Falling....

Its not been many years down the road
But they make u feel its been a long long time.
Its time now they understood who u r.
The little boy isn't around anymore.

They never asked you how things were.
Expected u to just tell them everything.
But what they never saw was that little seed of anger ready to bloom any day.
You wanted your way and they,theirs.
Since you didn't talk that much,it made things hard.
Hard to arrive at a compromise.

So you went your way, and they went theirs.
Occasionally your roads would meet.
And an outburst would be inevitable.
A volley of screams and incoherent words would follow.
Things haven't changed, they still look the same.
Just that you keep praying for no more of it
In the days that are yet to come.

But after all this time,yes you have grown.
From that lonely kid in that green colored room to a lonely man in the same.
The others don't seem to bother, and get on with their ways.
You try to follow suit, but end up lonely again.
It's all a lie you convince yourself
But all you do in fact,is hide yourself.
There are reasons to be out there, be free and let it rain.
But the lies have made you cynical of what is actually sane.

Complaints...

Why does nothing ever seem right? I know yeah I complain too much but I can't help it. And this phase of no work to do is killing. Severe bouts of self-introspection is dangerous. And this phase is bringing huge doses of it. But what am I gonna say? Or do? The bugging part is no one else seems free. I know I appear busy to other people too. But most times, I am not. I have realized everyone can go ahead without me. People who I have always thought couldn't somehow. A few have started working, others gone abroad, others preparing for studies and the ones then left are plain aloof and don't seem to give a fish.

Music has taken a drastic turn. I have been doing shows now. With my own band with Samantak, Letters Blue. Feels weird to be out there. And people like me. That's weirder. But then again, because of the fact that I suffer from a writer's block most of the time and end up writing crappy forced out stuff and keep complaining about it(Again!!), I can't write anything. And making up songs is tough and playing guitar is tough too. And I can't do that. Complaint. I know I planned a lot of things, and I do not again understand why I am so lazy. And I have complaints about it too.

I wish I could take control. But I need a free independent surrounding to show my true colors and with my nosy n loud family around all the time it just isn't possible.

P.S. Curiously, there might be somebody who will accidentally see this post and comment on how frustrated I am. The dodo never realizes that I know it and hence the posts. That certain person always believes that I don't seem to know. Forgets that I wrote the stuff down. :P :P Hahahaha!

An Old House and Rats

I found a dirty old house with rusted gates.
When I went inside I found a maze.
At the end of the maze was a gigantic double bed.
Covered in dirt and cobwebs, i jumped on instead.
I spread my arms.I relaxed a little bit.
And that was when I found those lumps in the quilt.

A little lump a little bump
hiding under the sheets.
I pressed it hard, and boy,did they shriek!

I poked it hard, it wiggled away.
Little baby lumps of rats
living in a tray.

It's Alright

This one's for a friend:


Its a mystery is what it is
Not being in the light
Its just flashes in erratic fits
and again the unending fight.

She would never tell me, Amelia
And I kept wondering what was wrong.
It was always those sad eyes
hidden behind the sparkly pretty laugh.
It was never really out there
But I kept wondering what was wrong.
True enough
I am not entitled to know
But such sadness has a charm to it.
But I shouldn't give the word charm to it,
for the sadness in all of it.

My heart yearns to take her hand
and tell her it's alright
But I know she wouldn't ever listen to me
And disappear back into the night.
Erase all the statues you want,
storm the world tonight,
Make sure there's no one but you
In the clustered limelight.

You are strong,but yes sometimes wrong
But all of us are the same in here, Amelia.
Direction is hope,never lose your sight
remember us all,standing by your side.
I wish you'd be who you were before;
not someone, someone else cared for.

Stop a while will you friend?
Tell me your world is right again.
But the dark about you is your light
You'll never give up without a fight.