That Butterfly I Could Never Catch

Rustled it's wings and liquified the colors on it's back
like the ocean does to the sky on the horizon,
it tempted my inexperienced fingers to savor a touch
on the powdery blue and shimmering gold
yet like the proudest queen that walked the Earth
not to be touched by the unexceptional,
it rose into the air the moment my naked fingers came close.
I pinched the summer air, hot and heavy from
the exhaust pipes of the rat-race cars and the smoke
from chimneys stemming out of hearths where
apron clad men and women cooked brains
to serve to dark men in dark suits and dark sunglasses,
the very definition of contrast to my butterfly
sitting on its next perch of wild primroses that stared with their jaundice eyes
without a feeling in the world by themselves
but add them to the hand of a man about to go on a  first date,
there was now something about the flat petals and their jaundice eyes.


There were other butterflies around me to catch
but the blue and gold was etched into my pupils
as they clenched to keep out the sun.
I failed over and over till the sun went down
and my pupils finally dilated
enough for me to accept resignation.

You Are

A boy who, all of a sudden in the middle of class,
slips his hands into the left pocket of his friend's trousers to grope at his private parts.
A girl who wouldn't pick up calls or meet him after
she left him a text saying she was pregnant because words can create and destroy the world.
A boy who started chain-smoking at the age of fourteen
and tried to quit in vain till you found your nicotine patch in God.
A girl who never paused to listen to what others around her were trying to say
because you always kept a packet of condoms in your room till the right time.
A boy who disappeared inside a well years ago
and resurfaced out of the blue as a woman and shocked everyone who knew you and didn't.
A girl who stitched together magazines to shut herself out from the cold
and got interviewed by the biggest magazine in the city for your debut ramp walk.
A boy whose mother picked you and your friend up after school,
who showed him his first dirty video after lunch when he came back to your place .
A girl who collided with a wall while you were dancing
to a tune released by Britney Spears ignoring your homework for the next day.
A boy who understood the ways of the world at ten
so got labelled as the bumbling class idiot by his friends and overconfident by his teachers.
A girl who decided to take the matters into your hands
but got beaten up by your own husband while your in-laws looked on.

I Realize

There are these memories ingrained
within every person and object I have chanced upon,
stirred alive on dark winter afternoons
that sleep slowly into oblivion so deep
that you could hear brittle bones getting ground into dirt
which rises up and floats around everyone else
infecting everything and tying every one of us together
and the ones that are stirred alive in dark shadows
of that lone tree on the hottest day of the year where
there was so much food that I beckoned
squirrels and birds to help us finish the lot
as everyone else drowned in a siesta
except the children who were now free of maternal reigns.

Bodytalk

I'd call unknowingly
You'd know before I do.
Even if we're  over,
habits don't die soon.

My eyes don't blink as much
as my brain strays to your eyes.
As our bodies did all the talking
I couldn't spot the lies.


Should I hold on to bits of you like
flaky leaves on winter trees?
I'll run away
I've made my choice
but my feet are slowing down.


What a waste of time.
What a waste of time.
What a waste of time.
What a waste of time.
What a waste of time.

Interference

A million waves
interfering every day
my wave doesn't know its way.
It sees its matching color
and knows about the crossing points
but it doesn't play the game.

***
She sits with her dog
and watches the rain
sweep the city in a frenzy
and smiles for no reason.
Like a diamond crumb
found beneath the earth,
she's red, blue, green,
shining gold and silver.
She watches the world
as it succumbs to the storm
numbs the hustling feet
and takes a new form.
She likes this new world
where she can hear her dog breathe.
where her dog is scared of lightning
and not of random people on the streets.


I stare at that photograph of hers for a long time.
I wanted to watch the cleansing with her and her dog.
How an entire world was connected in the most disconnected sense.
Could it be one of those days where things seem to click?

***
The rains cleared the air,
maybe my wave will find its way today.
So I dial- it rings three times and then there's a hesitant "Hello?"
I take a deep breath and dive off the cliff,
Other sounds of the world drown out in the roar of air,
And hit the water- Interference will give way to liberation slow.

One

I just completed a year in the USA.
Whew.
How time flies when there's no time to stop or take a break from work and weekend/holiday adventures.
Life is not what I expected to be in USA. I live in a suburb and for someone who comes from chaotic cities, this has been the worst aspect of this one year. There are no people to meet, to greet, no shops close by, no cafes, no pubs nothing. Grocery is a (an approximately)weekly pompous affair. If not for the fact that I am just zoned inside the laptop, life would have been difficult. I read less this year too, for reasons I cannot fathom. I have had time, but mostly dedicated to shaping my music which, hasn't headed any fruitful direction whatsoever too.

I think back in India, people have a different idea about the USA for which the main reason is media. USA seemed like that country where you are free to do whatever you want, have fun all the time, rock n roll and coast through your life. It's strangely the opposite here, people don't seem to get along unless they are friends, everyone keeps to themselves, and of course, right now is not the best of times for Indian people and other immigrants, there is a lot of crime, American fast food isn't really the best.

But vacations and weekend trips made it worth the while. A lot of adventures and destinations have been taken care of which always had been part of the traveling dreams. The Big Apple trip is coming up next month and I am really excited about that now. I went tubing, white water rafting, surfing and the biggest of them all, skydiving. The adrenaline was on another level. I am going to do it again. I have been to most of the bigger cities and places on the East Coast now. The West Coast is entirely left now. Chicago has been the most beautiful city I have traveled to yet. USA has wonderful scenery and beautiful landscapes. I have been fortunate enough not to have faced issues at airports and flight schedules yet.

Since landing here, I have also done a lot of concerts- Guns n Roses, Coldplay, Dave Matthews Band, A Perfect Circle, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Radiohead, Dream Theater, Regina Spektor, Alterbridge with Metallica(finally!), John Mayer, Gary Clark Jr, Roger Waters still on the cards. The Radiohead concert has changed my life and the way I look at music. Alterbridge was the best concert  I have watched in my life. I missed the Iron Maiden concert recently though due to work. :(

I have not made any American friends in one year, beat that. There are so many Indians here and the world I have here consist mostly of them only. I really don't feel like I am in USA sometimes. But it's been a fun ride with these new people. I have had all the adventures with them which made it way better.

If the visa is not extended , I have just about a year to make the most out of this USA phase. Signing off.

Hollow

Tracks close and separate
the scenery changes.
Time flicks the light switches
we missed our destination.

Now we are somewhere
we've never heard of,
they speak a different language
we'll just wait for another train.

We sit on two ends of an hourglass
knowing there's no escape.
You don't want sand on me
I don't want the sand on you.
But we drown in turns
then breathe in gasps.

I see the train far away
we still have half our plans,
we'll get away
and then go home hollow.

We'll always be on two ends of an hourglass.
You won't want sand on me
I won't want the sand on you.
But we'll drown in turns
then breathe in gasps.