She Will Be Loved...

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Time....

Was in a no-writing phase again, ufff,this is forever.Mood swings and phases. Yes,I would sit down in front of the computer, the blog page, sign in, click on new post and then go blank.Then I would click the little red cross on the top right corner of the page and all desire to even try writing would be lost.Period.

I have been at home for a week now. Diwali's past, Bhaiphonta is done. No more festivities(read as bunking excuses) to look forward to. From now on,its simply work(shudders!!).There's a lott of syllabus to be covered this time,don't have a clue as to what I should do about it. Anyway,i ts a whole new world suddenly. There are so many feelings about so so many things, I don't know how to keep track of them so I can take control of everything...Lately I am feeling sloshed with so much to take care of. Why do we have so many responsibilities I wonder? Its not as if they have been bestowed upon me. Its the result of the life that I have led. And I don't know whether I should regret it cuz that would mean regretting the life I am living which I don't. Its all too complicated for words.

I have to meet so many people,go to so many places,visit other people and I have to study, I have to be there for my family, I have to spend a bit of time on the phone,I have to keep up with the rest of the world through the internet,I have to play y guitar,I have to laze around--SHEESH!! This stuff is endless. And 24 hours are too less for all of it. And oh, I have to sleep,thats a crucial part of my life.24 hours is too damn less....I wish I had more time. I don't wanna lose the stuff I gotta do. But do them all for which I need a lot more time. I still haven't watched Wake up Sid!! Abira ditched me- went ahead and watched it with her friend.IAnd everyone else has watched it. No one to go with. Its sad. Really wanna watch it. But somwhow I have a feeling that I'll end up watching it alone on the computer screen from a bad quality DVD or download. Its funny how things we want most tend to not turn out the way we want them to be. And the stuff we don't turn out the way we don't want them to be.

Blogging...

I have been blogging for around two years now. Initially when i started out,I didn't write much. I have phases and a lot of mood swings. I may sit down to write a post,click on new post and then write nothing at all. Or start to write out something that will go on and on,some random ramblings, and then decide it isn't appropriate for the blog at all.So I cancel the whole thing.

Till recent times,I had had a writer's block. But then suddenly I opened,I forced myself to write out Shashti and Shaptami events of this year's pujo. But the main inspiration for this phase of writing came from another friend's blog. I was reading her blog,discovering how similar we are-mood swings and phases, having a group of people really close to heart-they being the world to me, of how interesting food is. Of how Calcutta is my city,where I know nooks and crannys and how close it is to me. How the rain washed streets,Park Street, Dakshinapan,Don Bosco(my school),the "chhatim" flower's overpowering scent before the Pujos, the Pujos themselves, my friends and family who are there--how all of it are mine, not to be shared with anyone. These are memories that keep me going, the desire to go on, have a fulfilling life comes from these. I feel happy and contented but deep down there are worries for the future.But thats to come later,Serendipity, thats what will be.

I feel as if I am on this bus thats travelling miles,I wish it wouldn't stop. The cool breeze on my face would stop too,and I would have to stop eating the chocolates I brought up on the bus to eat as it travelled...

See,thats what it is. Did you notice?I gradually lost the thread of what i was actually saying,I wonder and think of so much.Whew!! Coming back...oh yeah, I have been blogging for 2 years now.But it isn't the same today. 2 years back it was time pass for me, a forum where I could let my emotions and feelings flow-And somehow I liked this forum better than pen and paper,when I type stuff flows. Yes I did have a diary once but this is what I have now....N I like it.Anyway...blogging is becoming commercial now. With Google Adsense,people are monetizing their blogs with advertisements. Its happening right in my college. Blogging is being promoted like anything.

As an internet tool. I think it destroys the whole concept of blogging. Blogging is where people are themselves,let themselves be on a regular basis,its about things they are interested in. But my complains will go nowhere. Everything is business. Starting from education to medicine. Then why let the blogs go too? Anything from where there is profit,where there is money. In the end its all about that.....

Silence...

I have absolutely no idea why i wrote this...I just wanted to write something as a song for the past two days,but couldn't at all...I wrote this suddenly and it's called Silence.

I'll hold ur breath in mine, 

as u sunshine down upon me.

Breaths deep and shallow,

eyes closed shut; in a wink it'll all be gone;

you by my side close to my heart.

The candle will flicker and then shut us out of its light.

Lights blur, dizzy darkness,

Lights blur,warm darkness.

The strands in your eyes is all I can see.

A still moment, my hands around you, you snug between the sheets.

And then,silence.

Stay...

Past are the days when u were here with me

Time passes slowly now
Wish you would turn back once to catch up….

Neon lights seem dim without you,
Washing up the shore are memories past,

Concentration wavers.....shadows fall,
Stay with me…


Till the break of dawn, stay,
Leave me a memory to hold onto
Miles we’ll cover together walking till we can no more
Miles along life’s way we’ll trudge
An unknown bond forged between our hearts
A happiness that knows no bounds till the clouds break apart…
Till its dawn…with me,stay..

Haphazard...

Pujo overall was a great one this time,I really did have a lot of fun. I feel happy now, but sad on the other hand cuz the end of Pujo signals the start of classes and studies again. College reopens on the 6th of October,n the first day itself we have 2 exams to write,bugging!! Anyway,apart from all of it and certain issues,I feel happy. I had dinner with Bappa da n Toy da etc at Flame n Grill,South City Mall, yesterday...Unlimited kebabs and ice cream. :) I love that place, its a different satisfaction altogether. Met oindrila today before she goes tomorrow :( At Mother Earth,South City Mall(again!!), we were going through stuff for her friend, the lady who runs the shop asked to help out-she needed to fetch something that was kept high atop on a shelf. It was a first of such an experience,I climbed the ladder and go the thing. Felt weird yet right. Anyway,she be goin tomorrow.
I have been trying to write a song for like ages,I simply can't. I mean,I don't know what is exactly wrong, but lyrics i simply cannot pen down,ever... I have composed two songs written by my friends but lyrics from me are like impossible. Anyway, people have been putting up pictures of pujo2009 all over facebook,its interesting. And Sreerupa put up this awesome Benglish poem.

Check it out:

Through the jongole I am went
On shooting Tiger I am bent
Boshtaard Tiger has eaten wife
No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life
Too much quiet, snakes and leeches
But I not fear these sons of beeches
Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start
But noise is coming from damn fool's heart
Taking care not to be fright
I am clutching rifle tight with eye to sight
Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down
Then like hero return to native town
Then through trees I am espying one cave
I am telling self - "Bannerjee be brave"
I am now proceeding with too much care
From far I smell this Tiger's lair
My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start pray
I think I will shoot Tiger some other day
Turning round I am going to flee
But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting Bengalee
He bounding from cave like footballer Pele
I run shouting "Kali Ma tumi kothay gele "
Through the jongole I am running
With Tiger on my tail closer looming
I am a telling that never in life
I will take risk again for my damn fool wife !!!!!


Heh!! And she's put up this pic of her and Agni i really liked,very much. Its as if telling a story,of everything between them,the hope to go on, yet the hopelessness without each other,a happiness not shared with others, you look at Srrr's hand-its as if she is clinging on to Agni,either that, or "gheti dhore narabe mone hochche agnir", and knowing her,its most probably the latter. But her n Agni's expression say a different story. Its a contented picture. I looked at the pic the first time and felt happy for them suddenly and smiled.

The song's playing, nothing else suddenly matters, I feel contented myself.There are so many people in my life,hello-hi people,close people, not so close people,I do not know who to keep up with,its difficult sometimes. And trying to catch up with a part of my life,if i miss out on some other part,People in that part get cross n pissed at me,what do I do? Its tiring sometimes. I sometimes feel I think too much,but circumstances force it,and I am left wondering what to do...??I need to talk to someone,really. Sometimes it becomes difficult to deal with,all of it...N I can't seem to get with it alone.It seems stoopid,But yeah,that is exactly what happens. I feel like having chocolates.... :(

Alarming Thoughts....

When i woke up today to the sound of my cellphone buzzing somehwere under the pillows and sheets, a memory came back suddenly,a funny one. During my school years, I could never wake up in time for school. 630 a.m. was like "aaaargh!!yawn!! yawnss!!!". I remember getting up early sometimes even to study for an exam, covered in sheets. Winter was painful I remember.

Anyway, the getting up part was painful. Now its a different issue,I get up when I wanna. Back then I used to go to sleep with six or seven alarms all around my head,in strategic positions so that if one did get muffled by the pillow,I would hear some other one. 2 or 3 small alarm clocks, my digital watch(those were a craze then,with the stopwatch and the background light), Dad's cellphone(the huge antenna'd black ones from back then) and of course dad's wake up call which seemed to be the perfect and best way to get up. And i remember once what i did-there was a phase when i would somehow shut off all the alarms in slumber and get back to sleep again,I don't know how. So I rigged up something. I have this red coloured stereo player and a microphone. I connected the player to the plugpoint and attached the microphone. Setting the volume a bit o the high, I placed the microphone near the Cellphone speaker and the player at my head. So Technically I used one alarm to get up then in the morning. But the thing did work,I got up successfully. Every morning for a few days,the stereo would scream out the alarms and lo n behold!!! I was up!!! (^_^)