Transcendence

From all that we are immediately surrounded by to the distant stars and galaxies.    

Goodbye(Click here)

An entity that consists of everything and everyone in itself, expanding and retracting with time and circumstances, with colors so varied that you eyes just might go blurry and hazy, with the living, the dead, the dark matter, religion, birds and moles, light and protons, the harshest of notes in the most discordant of instruments, screaming, pausing, screaming again, exploding, scratching and clawing, the monsters and the sick; encapsulated and undying, breathing heavily, feeding on memories and rewinds in time so relative that it's impossible to grasp the wholeness of it, pulsing and decaying into space as relative as time so that there is no idea of existence.

Descent

We started out with our edges unfurled.
Now we're standing still over the years.
Like books on shelves by naked windows,
gathering dust all through the years.

The people pass, pushing through time.
We watch them go through slitted eyes.
With the morning sun, they seem to die.
Never alive, broken in time.
 
I'm here to say goodbye,
to times that I cannot deny.
I'm going back myself,
running through the empty sky.

Convinced that I could never see clear
I mistook you for someone else.
And then you came all rushing back,
and I couldn't stop blaming myself.

Now we're boats on empty waves.
Far from shore, where the people rest.
With the morning sun, I seem to die.
Buried in, you and your smile.

I'm here to say goodbye,
to times that I cannot deny.
I'm going back myself,
running through the empty sky.

Of complaints and confessions

Dear friend,
It's not what you know that makes you who you are, it's what you believe. For a long time I've believed that I am pretty much useless with a hopeless bundle of luck that leads nowhere. Turns out it just might be true. People do have  a notion about me that borders somewhere on those lines. People enjoy my company, but not for long I suppose. That is why my cellphone has stopped ringing or buzzing with texts, or phone calls for a long time now. I don't have any use for the device except to listen to music, occasionally be my virtual self and lock it back again. And everywhere around me, people want to be seemingly more in the cloud rather than put their feet firmly on the ground.

I think it is absolutely necessary that I try and mix more with people and get to know them better. But somehow, this being a worrisome age as it is, I don't seem to want to make an effort to do so. People really are strange now. No one has the time to stop and speak their mind. Every word and line seems to be a forced, rushed, howled, cried or an anguished rant. It makes me not want to talk to them in any case. They are always rushing to be who they are not. And the saddest part it seems is that they know they are unhappy and don't or can't do anything about it. This version of me in my head says that's okay, the less people there are, the less there is to deal with, to keep in mind about. There's this other version which says the more the merrier. And being caught in the middle of these two has made me an uncomfortable piece of mass floating about in the great blackness. The resultant is that I am neither social nor unsocial. There should be an official term for this.  And there will be lots of people who will label themselves with it. And then everyone will be the same and a new word would need to be invented again for those who survive that.


 The last time I smoked up, I saw strange shapes. I put my hand against them and felt them swirling around my fingers. It was a strange sensation, the first of its kind.  I felt light. It was funny too,watching them move about aimlessly through the air. And then I wanted chocolate. So I had copious amounts today.

I am cynical of everything and everyone now. I hate that in myself sometimes and I try to change it, but people around are sometimes too blockheaded to let that happen in me. It's never gonna happen, that is one thing I have fully comprehended. People keep saying the same things, asking the same questions, giving the same answers, laughing at the same jokes, repeating themselves everyday and every night. It's almost on the verge of pathetic sometimes. Maybe I am not satisfied with my life and hence, I am taking it out on the poor people, but hey, sometimes, you've got to put the blame on someone. It can;t be your fault always. And I do accept faults. I learnt to do that a while back which actually helped, contrary to my belief from the earlier days.

I need a break. I need a vacation. I need the rain to stop. It depresses the hell out of me. I need people to use a little more of their brains. I need to run. I think I will then.

Yours,
Charlie.

Nutrition Devastation and other quips

A lot of things happened. Bob cheated on Elise with her friend, Penny. What a shame. Apparently, Elise still loves him and is shattered to pieces. Bob and Penny used to go out at one point of time. There's a lot of history that not even Elise can deny that can cause problems.



I went to this "awesome" restaurant called April Rain today.Contemporary Cuisine it said. I swear you go there when you have kids and nothing to do in life. The food was horrible, music was horrid, and they messed up dessert too. HOW do you mess up a brownie with ice cream? There was no salt in my friend's biryani. The Espagnole sauce rice on my platter was bad, the chicken seemed an aged one on my other friend's Young Chicken Steak platter(Imagine the irony,I swear beef is softer!), and the Tiramisu stank of coconut so much it seemed to hit my head directly, and they burnt the brownie. Nutrition Devastation I call it. And its not as if they were charging moderate even. Sky high prices. I missed McDonald's just around the corner.



 Two guys and two girls were walking ahead of me today, discussing cartoons they used to watch. One girl was singing Popeye the Sailor Man,and I though how similar our lives were even though I was from Calcutta, they were from Pune. "Remember Flintstones? Tom and Jerry? Best was Dexter" said one girl. The guy walking beside her said,"yeah that's a super series, I love the action and the thrill". I looked at him as did the others, blankly for a moment and then realization dawned and I did a mental facepalm.



Sam is gone crazy. She is surfaced again. And is now totally confused about who she is and who she wanted to be. Apparently I have to deal with it. I will of course.

After what happened with Bob and Elise, I don't think Michael should keep in touch with Beth. I have to tell him this. They're pretty okay but Michael himself has these frenzied moments where he thinks it's not going well and is not fair to Beth. He's right of course, but Beth has put the bulldozer on him saying it's all his choice. Now Michael is torn. He doesn't really know what to do now. He told me he realizes that there might be problems later on but the friendship isn't causing harm at this moment except keep stirring the question-broth. I'll tell him.

Yeaah.

The Artist

I wrote this song a few days back,for anybody who is an artist in their own right in any way. There's always a hesitation among people to accept them, generally because there are hundreds like them who have existed before and still do. But hey, there's no need for everyone to change the world;you just keep on doing what you do and accept what people do,both with a smile, and everything will be alright.

I could paint my world in shades of red,
and shades of greens n a blue or two.
I could wrap it up in pink and beige,
and see the  world as I wanted to.
Did u know?
Did you know?

I could build myself a satellite.
I could take a train to paradise.
I could see my world in black and white,
and see the world as I think is right,
Did u know?
Did you know?







I can't say for sure if it'll be the same,
but I'll color up my world, till
Did u know?
my hand starts to ache....
Did you know?

I could lose count of days when I'm painting,
my world with all the shades that you're thinking,
I can't let u in no no I'm lyin' broken  on the floor.

You think I'm wrong,
Don't think I'm wrong.

To be or not to be

I think I believe in Karma. I mean I do think a lot of things. But am not really sure of the exact stuff I do want to believe in or the ones I should. I mean it keeps changing.There was once a point when I used to believe in Destiny,I don't think I do at this moment. maybe some event in the future will trigger that belief again in me. But till then, I guess Karma has taken it's place. I do good, good happens to me. I go for bad, bad goes for me.

I kept thinking about the fact that I have had it too easy always. That's why I have never reached anywhere in life,nor personally. I escaped everytime things got  a bit tough around me. So I decided to not escape from stuff instead. Now that I am doing that, I am discovering  a lot of things that I was losing out. And contrary to my earlier belief, I am actually enjoying this part. Yes at times,it's getting frustrating and I want to give up. but I am reminding myself that I must go through with this, to know what it is like, to be a better person, and to be down to earth and be practical. It's teaching me a lot. I am surprised to find myself enjoying all this right now.

I hope I grab right opportunities during this phase,otherwise,it's bound to be like a long bad hangover.

Grungy Floating Palaces Of Gold

I couldn't see ahead even when the light shone bright.
Complacency changed the whole wide world.
The rivers flowed as I counted my days at the start,
They kept flowing even when I forgot to count.
They kept screaming in my ears and I bade them well,
They were right I knew,but I couldn't blame myself.
Too many lives, too much to know,
And at the end, I forgot who I was.
I kept thinking I'm the king,
All the while knowing deep inside,
That I was a pawn,
and the world chose its sides.
You'll never be good as I am,
I'll never be good as them,
Stuck in our grungy floating palaces,
We assure ourselves the walls are all gold.
Every night there's a new dream,
Every day there's a new man.
By night again, I have got to sleep,
And the next day I'm a changed again.

It was wrong to dream, to aspire and change the world.
Those who bought a boat, floated safely down the river.
Now the river's flooding its banks, and all its fish are dead.
And I have nowhere to run, which anyway will not help.

Dreams That Never End

I think I got lost today

With the rise of the morning star.

I looked back to see if I was being followed,

But I made it safely across before the sun rose.

Now I have miles ahead of me,

To discover every realm there could possibly be.

I am left with the oceans and the forests,

Villages and cities,

Overflowing with my people all around the world.

And nowhere will I stop too long

Unless I could really use some rest for my tired feet.

All the lamp posts glow dim at dawn,

I never really noticed that.

Light replaces light,

While the fire shirks away.

And the music flows through the very blood of our souls.

I can see the chimney smoke and the smoke from the cars.

I know I am in the city now.

Here direction is aimless and my mind keeps stretching till it tears,

Yearning for coffee in a way I have never known.

With cigarette butts and coffee black,

And shoes cast aside in formal ways,

I make my way and I make my way

Through everything perceived by the eye,

invisible to the eyes of all distant men.

I toiled on my  dreams for years before

I made it out with a flicker of sadness.

But choices were never my friends,

And I fell as soon as I passed the test.

I could go on forever I thought.

But age makes one weary of  the road.

And I grow restless and restless,

While there's talk of me quitting my way.

But I am jubilant and more eager to stay on my way,

Picking up ways foreign to my native clouds.

That was the dream and it shall never end.

Till the end of my days draws near,

I'll keep sleeping through every storm that might rear its head.

And when I'm done I won't even know.

It's just too less to ask for when there's so much to know.