Run...

I ran.
On and on,for days and days.
Hopelessly craving for that sliver of light to seep in somehow.
I ran from that dark shadow to wherever I saw light,
But the light never stayed at that same place.
After years,I felt naked and tired,
A bit of rest was all I yearned.

So be it,said He from above.
They couldn't do anything,my race was run.

Free falling....

Well,he did jump suddenly then. Without warning.Into the black and white swirling hypnotizing circles. And he fell.Fell down and down and down into the rush of black and white. People and things rushed past.Wait....weren't they all from the years past?He fell until suddenly his feet touched ground. And realization then dawned. It was just another start.

Smile Forever...

She died today. I don't know when. I looked at her for the last time. Yes, she was at peace.It was the same look she had when she used to have that black currant ice cream she loved.

My mind wandered. Memories came flooding back. Tears trickled down,unstoppable. Everyday now would seem a bit more lonesome than ever before. She would be with me,definitely. But the touch would be cold always. A thin veil separating us. Who would come to rescue me from the clutches of my parents? Whom would I now turn to for company when I feel like having that dark chocolate ice cream? Who would I now ask for a drink and dance anytime?Who would I now talk to about how my day was at the end of it over the phone?


I had found a reason for myself. A reason I believed and trusted in with all my heart and soul. Its a funny thing,this heart. It finds a reason to cry in happiness and to smile in sadness always,somehow. I can never share a laugh with her,or hear her sing,as she used to when she flitted about here and there. We went through a lot.Good times and bad ones,hurt and smiles. I am ever so sorry for the hurt I caused her. But today,all is forgiven yet never to be forgotten. Every little strand and bit To be kept closer than ever to my heart. For you I was and will always be....

BraZen.

Lost in the twirling strands,

A struggle of an eternity to keep myself away from you.

A delirious urge to touch you once again.

Hallucinates.

Circles of neon lights,an unsatisfied desire.

In the blackest of rooms.

The door creaks open,

You rush in and everything falls apart.

Blinding hazy,

A blazing heat.

Fuck the world for all its worth.

Inane.Brazen.

Almost dangerous.

Desires and instincts uncontrolled.

Never felt the winter have we?

But now I feel the cold.

Are we there yet???

This post is one waiting to be written for over a decade. Seriously.
Why is it that girls love shopping so much? They go in to this shop with absolutely no objective of buying anything and just move around the whole store staring looking trying on clothes and then they get out. And even if there is the objective, how is it possible that so so many designers ABSOLUTELY fail(and so horribly)to impress a single person with all of their clothing? I mean,"Isnt even one worth it?" The answer,disappointingly,is a No.

I have been doing this forever. Having two sisters of my own(I will not even start on my cousins who r all females and so many in number that a train could be formed!!)I have gone through hell and still am. Its horrible. Come to think of it, I think I have spent over 25% of my life just waiting(n that waiting doesn't include waiting for people to turn up,which would take up another 5% surely!!) When I was a kid,I didn't have much to do. I would simply get bored,I would swish across the store floors on my shoes,stare at people,at least do something. But after the advancement of the years,if I started to run n slide across the Pantaloons store,I would get kicked out or be stared at like a madman. Yet I have to gothrough this ordeal for over half the year every year. Sucks. I'll die from this one day.AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!

Does it matter?

All awake by that gentle wish of yours?
Did they actually hear it coming through?
I think not.
Your eyes they tell us you couldn't,
Blemishes amongst us you think,
Is it not?
Will you ever know what really happened?
Will you ever stop to watch and think?
One almost careless wish to see them well,
You do nothing but just the wish.

The night is not over until you go to sleep,all work done.
Till its done,you are unsatisfied.
Restless with eyes shut wide open,
You know the answer is you.


Presumptuous?? I guess not.

Gone...??Or Not??

I left my childhood somewhere.Didn't I? If I had not, I would not be who I am today. And I don't know if that makes me sad or happy. I go there sometimes. Looking at those people there,the places, they somehow in some weird way tug at my heart strings,in a way nothing else can. Its different. I miss them i realize. Ever since I was born,this is what I was surrounded by. Every day, every hour,minute,involved them. They form a different story. A special one,close to my heart. I guess that's attachment.I realize that sometimes I miss all of it,especially when I am back in Bagbazar. The narrow lane leading to my former house,the people there,the hundreds of kittens and puppies growing up I have seen in that lane,the walks by the Hooghly river during sunset,the chanting of hymns by the river through that microphone,the sight of the boys jumping off the boats and the pier into the water,climbing back again only to dive back again, having peanuts sitting there on the sloping ramp by the river,watching the evening train go whistling past, the art school where every Bagbazar kid issent to I guess,'Barnali',and I don't know if it exists anymore even,the shopkeepers who knew me since i went out with my parents to buy something.

Fact is,thats where home is. Those memories,people and that place has a different charm altogether for me. Its different. Thats where I grew up,learnt the ways of the world, learnt how to play cricket in the street,cycling,video games, watched tv for the first time,tied that shoelace in that bunny rabbit ears knot for the first time. It is the place I came back to everyday after school for 12 years of my life. For me....that's a second home. Obviously with passing time,Dhakuria is now my favourite of the two places.My life my friends and everything is here now. But what I wanna put across is that memories are priceless. And worth keeping forever..