Happy New Year

We all started our journey with quite an unknown fear about the unknown. Then we graduated to that stage where we realised that even we recognized the kind of fear, the fear is still about the unknown.
We stepped from school to college to jobs, switching and changing roles and lives imperceptibly fast. So much so that we never realised what happened at the end, where all those years went by, where all those people disappeared, where all the friendships got caved in, where all the crushes got crushed, where all that love sunk. And suddenly we were 25 years old, with things to tell the world, with things to show the world, but still, afraid somewhere about acceptance.

We found ourselves the colleges of our dreams, the friends of our wishes, the jobs of our choice, the love that we desired, and then, we suddenly went blank. We switched over to the Internet and ended our lives, spreading out decay amongst us. Suddenly there were one too many of us, craving for attention, filling our shoes, cloning ourselves, picking out our brains, and we broke down. We sold our souls to the Internet again and marched ahead, cold and sad, neglecting life and its life within.

We made everyone happy, and everyone seemed as happy as they could be. They smiled and we did too, but our eyes never met, suggestive of secrets unbound. We patted each other on our backs and wished that pat would be a slap. We complimented each other in our heads and never spoke out loud. We broke up over the Internet, we made love on the phone, we silenced and smothered each other over glances, but never could we be that bold. As life ends, it never will. The pattern changed, the fervour stayed still. Then our faiths and beliefs crossed paths, we fought with smoke and liquid fire. We killed and preyed and ruined our own. And swore and cursed at those who spoke.We did fight, we did stand strong, but then we had make sure that they heard us all. Then in our efforts to make the world speak, we found ourselves forgotten and discreet. Time had passed and we had stalled, washed away what was meant for us all.

Till this day, we don't know our place; we're all trying to reach them stars and compromising with a stair. And now the stairs are also jam packed, so we wait for another star and all of it stairs. They might be dusty but we do not really care, as long as we got a place, we'll just stand there.

The solution that comes to mind is to let go of it all. Sink in the feelings you nurture. Find bliss in the very moment of it all. Give and take is part of life. Coming and going is part of life. 2014 needs to be a start afresh to all that has been pent up yet. With changes in every possible way to what we'd never known. Afraid to finish? Of course we are. Hence the game, why not take the chance. They are there to back us up if we need, brush off the dust and send us back to life even if it's too incomplete. Maybe the plan will work, maybe it won't. Sitting and planning the life will never cease the unknown.

Happy New Year to me. Cheers to that endlessness.

An Arranged Marriage

Encased in a bedroom,
head to toe in chains.
Seemingly invisible
ghosts of Saturdays.
Full moons on the beaches,
walks so full of rains.
Dew drops made his hair curl,
every single day.

Time could do away with him
that's all I told myself.
Now that time is broken,
he seems closer still.

Hold me like he would
night after day.
Kiss me like he could
every single day.
Try cheering me up with songs
played the way I say.
And happiness is love,
not weddings anyway...

And all I do is think of him
and space out everyday.
All the worlds turn a  fading grey
washed up with the waves.

And so it will be as it is
life upside down.
A rush of blood, and cigarettes,
And strangers in new towns.

Hold me like he would
night after day.
Kiss me like he could
every single day.
Try cheering me up with songs
played the way I say.
And happiness is love,
not weddings anyway...

The Great Jigsaw Puzzle

There are all those people you see and meet everyday who are part of the great jigsaw puzzle. These are the very people who have either never tried to bend themselves out of shape so as not to fit in or those who got bent into the shape of one piece of the puzzle.

All I know is I am going to be the latter in a few years if I don't do anything to stop the course of change. Right now I am at such a  point in my life where everything is new again, and people are old. By this time and age, there were so many things I had dreamt I would have done. Yes, true enough, along the way there have been many other things that have happened without any plan that could compromise but what you dream of is never the same.

People who make it to the other side where they are doing what their hearts want are a few in number. The majority never dreamt and there are the next group of people who did but couldn't really cross over.
I think I have more than I ever asked for and I am thankful for it all but somewhere deep down I still suffer from the dilemma of where I am and who I am finally. By the age of 24 I had thought I would have pretty much figured it out.; guess Fate didn't feel the same way. I am still the same utterly confused person I was in school, college etc. And I wonder if that's good even.

Imagine the sky upturned, the roots of trees pointed towards the sky, the girl you like likes you back, the notes of the radio all hazy even on that perfect frequency; doesn't sound right at all right?

That's how it has always been. And I have a hunch that's how it's gonna always be. 
Part of the puzzle, bent to perfect shape. No need to fit in anymore. You're made to fit. 

Like alcohol,excess of Bollywood is bad for health

I don't know where to start or where to end when it comes to expressing any thoughts, views, opinions about modern day Bollywood.

Post the “Dabbangg” spectacle, every film seems to be an eclectic hodge-podge of the following in order to become a blockbuster (though only God knows why):

1.Slow-motion-bottle-smashing-on-the-head

2.Insanely bad dialogues with a catchline or two that people are supposed to remember in the history of Bollywood

3.Song lyrics such that might just eat your brains out

4.Background score that sound the same with the same beats on 'dhols' and the wolf-whistles,

5.A hip swishing scantily clad woman who appears for that one(sometimes 2 or 3 these days) blockbuster song(s) who people go gaga over.

6.A signature dance move for a particular song that may be as simple as standing in one place,turning one's back to the camera and scratching one's hair to the beats of the song (until maybe,one has cleared all of his/her dandruff out.)

A movie or two in a whole year with the above elements are cool. Instead, a movie or two in a whole year without the above elements is what we get in the basket of films that arrive in the year.

Every movie seems to be loud,too full of the 'masala' and too full of slow motion action sequences with a subplot involving some 2 people who are in love. 

Result: Every movie is the same. 

And people love every of these films.

Oh,and also,the recent spate of songs that talk about whiskey,rum,'nasha', 'daaru' etc.I do understand that the lyricists do not aim these at anyone or anything and they write about the situation in the movie but isn't it now getting overdone? What is that about?

There is a segment of Bollywood that still stays true to itself, but is it fair that the makers of films in this section do not receive the same kind of attention,adulation, and money to go on weaving their magic?  Instead,the youth of India,who are supposed to be the empowered ones, the ones who understand everything better, lap up movies with the aforementioned formula. I am part of that same set of young people yet somehow I feel sad that such movies need to be made in order to just cater to the whims and fancies of people which frankly, seem to be just absurd. How is it possible that the youth then goes ahead and helps rake in so much money for these movies when there are expectations far greater from us? Does it provide an insight into the mindsets of the people or am I wrong in thinking so? 

What happened to the fantastic stuff, where did all the magic go?

Stuff like this used to rule the billboards as well as our heads at one point of time:

 "Likhate rahe hai tumhe roj hi

 Magar khwaisho ke khat kabhi bheje hi nahi

 Kabhi padhana wo chitthiya

 Aankho ke pani pe rakhna wo chitthiya

 Tairati najar aayegi jana

 Gote khati aati hui laharo pe jati hui ladki"

And then there is this: Stuff like this rules the billboards as well as heads now:

"Night club mai aaya, mai toh

Mujhko rokega kon aur kaiko

Maira mood mai dance karega

Kisika daddy sai ni darega

Jisko jo bi hai wo karna wo kar lo

Idhar hi hoon mai khada pakad lo

Ghar pe jaake tum Google kar lo

Mere bare me Wikipedia pe padh lo

Lungi dance, lungi dance..."

Hariharan sang the first one and the latter is sung by Yo Yo Honey Singh. I think that's enough to guess why the magic is gone.

Where is the poetry,the tunes to find solace in ,the flow of words seamlessly connecting 

with our heart even in the worst of times? 

Where are the films that we could watch over and over again for the sheer brilliance of the moving story, for the connection we felt to the characters,for the fantastic parts played by the actors? Except for an occasional one of those in the theater these days, the ones you’d wanna go back to are really locked away in those dusty VHS tapes,CD’s, DVD’s and in your own memories.

Excess of anything has always been bad. Right from the time those Moral Science books,the teachers and your parents told you so. 

I am guessing this new Bollywood never went to school.

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away. But one of these days I'll grow old And I'll grow brave and I'll go.

Excess of anything is always bad. Whether it's the bad stuff or the good stuff. We learnt the proverb way way way back. The implementation, realisation, etc took place not until recently. Life has changed so  so so much in the past few years that it is impossible to even wake up from the daze. There is no way to sit back and nod my head stolidly and say, these many years have gone by, these are the things that have changed, these are the things I did, these are the things I shouldn't have done. 
No no no no, I can't do that can I? Because it has all happened so fast (and it's continuously picking up more momentum+speed), I cannot even fully comprehend the events or their implications.

I think of sitting down sometime and penning all the varieties of thought down someplace so that I can remember better. But it's just when I do that that I lose track of everything to write about. Someday it's all going to ease out,but this is not the age nor the time nor the place for it. I am not waiting for that day because being busy is the only way to be for me. I have things to do, always it seems. I have stuff to write, always it seems. I have places to visit,always it seems. But the seemingly easier life has caused an unseeming roadblock, one that I cannot get past most of the time. But I keep believing I'll get better, and handle everything better. One day.




Rabbit says the Mayukh from first year of college was a way better person. The smile then was more innocent,full of dimples, mischevious and broad. I agree that the very same smile is either covered by the unruly layers of insulation that prevent the dimples from showing themselves and stretching of the skin to a broad level or the more realistic reason, which is that I grew up somewhere, made choices, became conscious and cautious, learnt more about the people, and forced a set of whities through the lips.

All the colors are up there to choose from anyway.
So why look down?

The conversation made me sad. And I look around at everyone, from my colleagues to my parents and I realise that every person is sad somewhere for one single reason; they grew up; which has all the sub reasons like they gave up dreams, their first kiss, traded soulmates for normal, stable lives,realised too late that hoping for changes was silly etc etc etc etc etc etc.

I don't wish to be part of this stability. When the day comes that even I realise I have aged, I want to know that I've had my fill of everything. Maybe I will, maybe these two lines will be history. But I'll try my best not to feed these lines to termites for as long as I can.

Transcendence

From all that we are immediately surrounded by to the distant stars and galaxies.    

Goodbye(Click here)

An entity that consists of everything and everyone in itself, expanding and retracting with time and circumstances, with colors so varied that you eyes just might go blurry and hazy, with the living, the dead, the dark matter, religion, birds and moles, light and protons, the harshest of notes in the most discordant of instruments, screaming, pausing, screaming again, exploding, scratching and clawing, the monsters and the sick; encapsulated and undying, breathing heavily, feeding on memories and rewinds in time so relative that it's impossible to grasp the wholeness of it, pulsing and decaying into space as relative as time so that there is no idea of existence.

Descent

We started out with our edges unfurled.
Now we're standing still over the years.
Like books on shelves by naked windows,
gathering dust all through the years.

The people pass, pushing through time.
We watch them go through slitted eyes.
With the morning sun, they seem to die.
Never alive, broken in time.
 
I'm here to say goodbye,
to times that I cannot deny.
I'm going back myself,
running through the empty sky.

Convinced that I could never see clear
I mistook you for someone else.
And then you came all rushing back,
and I couldn't stop blaming myself.

Now we're boats on empty waves.
Far from shore, where the people rest.
With the morning sun, I seem to die.
Buried in, you and your smile.

I'm here to say goodbye,
to times that I cannot deny.
I'm going back myself,
running through the empty sky.

Of complaints and confessions

Dear friend,
It's not what you know that makes you who you are, it's what you believe. For a long time I've believed that I am pretty much useless with a hopeless bundle of luck that leads nowhere. Turns out it just might be true. People do have  a notion about me that borders somewhere on those lines. People enjoy my company, but not for long I suppose. That is why my cellphone has stopped ringing or buzzing with texts, or phone calls for a long time now. I don't have any use for the device except to listen to music, occasionally be my virtual self and lock it back again. And everywhere around me, people want to be seemingly more in the cloud rather than put their feet firmly on the ground.

I think it is absolutely necessary that I try and mix more with people and get to know them better. But somehow, this being a worrisome age as it is, I don't seem to want to make an effort to do so. People really are strange now. No one has the time to stop and speak their mind. Every word and line seems to be a forced, rushed, howled, cried or an anguished rant. It makes me not want to talk to them in any case. They are always rushing to be who they are not. And the saddest part it seems is that they know they are unhappy and don't or can't do anything about it. This version of me in my head says that's okay, the less people there are, the less there is to deal with, to keep in mind about. There's this other version which says the more the merrier. And being caught in the middle of these two has made me an uncomfortable piece of mass floating about in the great blackness. The resultant is that I am neither social nor unsocial. There should be an official term for this.  And there will be lots of people who will label themselves with it. And then everyone will be the same and a new word would need to be invented again for those who survive that.


 The last time I smoked up, I saw strange shapes. I put my hand against them and felt them swirling around my fingers. It was a strange sensation, the first of its kind.  I felt light. It was funny too,watching them move about aimlessly through the air. And then I wanted chocolate. So I had copious amounts today.

I am cynical of everything and everyone now. I hate that in myself sometimes and I try to change it, but people around are sometimes too blockheaded to let that happen in me. It's never gonna happen, that is one thing I have fully comprehended. People keep saying the same things, asking the same questions, giving the same answers, laughing at the same jokes, repeating themselves everyday and every night. It's almost on the verge of pathetic sometimes. Maybe I am not satisfied with my life and hence, I am taking it out on the poor people, but hey, sometimes, you've got to put the blame on someone. It can;t be your fault always. And I do accept faults. I learnt to do that a while back which actually helped, contrary to my belief from the earlier days.

I need a break. I need a vacation. I need the rain to stop. It depresses the hell out of me. I need people to use a little more of their brains. I need to run. I think I will then.

Yours,
Charlie.