Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wattaya want from me???

I know you meant good and had good intentions and all, but I don't like you meddling and poking your noses into every bit of my life that you very well know have been private all these years. There are somethings that I just don't want your helping hand in. I like to keep to myself and its been that way for years. You, of all people should know that. Its like that Grammy nominated song this year- Half of my heart by John Mayer feat Taylor Swift. It was all fine with Mayer just doing it. Swift sings 2 lines in the song. And as soon as I hear that voice suddenly in the middle of that song, I feel an urgent need to turn it off. Do your feat. thing in the background throughout. Why those 2 lines? N all of a sudden! Its a turn off. Big time!

Here I am sitting in my own room, minding my own business. Suddenly you have to come in n start your rants. About everything. Seems like everything I do and everything I don't is a problem. How on earth is taht even possible? How can everything I do be wrong? How? I keep my room clean, don't meddle much, hang out with my friends, eat, sleep a lot, much like my counterparts of the same generation. Most of it is okay. Some stuff I understand you may have a problem with. But everything? :O Wattaya want from me??? Nothing I say gives you an assurance that I can do it right. You always wanna have a say, cuz u think ur right. All the time. Not possible!!!! And as soon as u stick ur nose, I get pissed and irritated. Wattaya want from me?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Silent Hopes

Eyes open, thoughts aloud
Rainfall pattering on the roof
Stares blank with open palms
While nothingness stares back at him.

Everyday, the tranquil morn,
Noiseless midday skies entrance him
The heartache of dusk, the suffocating night
Stirs something inside him.

“Is there hope anymore?
I am tired of being where I can’t live anymore
My lies, my faults make me repent
Make me yearn for a silence I could never endure.”

Wishes float countless in my heart now
Hopes that’ll always remain unfulfilled
Longings for a better place without all the noise
So that I, mankind, could have lived on still.


When you walk through that door
dressed in green and black,
and that lipstick red smeared across your face;
Lightning strikes my heart again, For a moment you take me to this world of pain.

Yet I stand there, taking in the sight,
I just can't tear my eyes from you.

Yes I stand there, frozen in the lights,

The lights turn red, you split open the night.

I'm me, you are you,
Electric passes across the room.

You're me, and I'm you,

You catch my gaze, erupt in fire too.

And we leave the place in the dead of the night,
The night's freezing, but it's hot tonight.
And it's brazen, lost in twirling strands.

It's crescendo of black(/harsh) marching bands.


This is the lyrics to one of my songs, Brishti, posted on this page. Its written party by me and partly by a cousin.

Kalo megh brishti bheja shondhabela

Bujhte na chawa shei swapno firey dekha
Kawthar araley,kothaye harale
Shushko ei je mon bheja diney….

Ashbe tumi abar,brishti baar baar,
Bhulbe nato chinte amaye amar moton dine…..


Chelebelar schooler chuti

Shomoy pichonor ajuhaath

Bhije sriti, firey dekha
Harano din….

Thursday, March 17, 2011


I don't need you to be around when all you do is hurt.
I'll teach myself to make it through even though it hurts.
I know the night's gonna come soon and I'll be wondering again what went wrong.
But tonight's my night,
Today's my day,
I won't rest till i make a place among the stars.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011


Its time for a change. A change much needed. Fresh air, new stars to see, new places to stay, new people to meet. A craving like this has been rearing its head n flaring its nostrils now for quite some time. Kolkata, in spite of all the fun, the old friends and the humongous family, is a dead end. SMACK!!! on the wall kind! You stay here, all you feel is nostalgia, an uncontrollable sense of pseudowisom, and the unwelcome feeling of being old now and then. You just grow and grow and time flies by as you enjoy yourself with everyone. But as the day ends, you start wondering about what happened to you?
You're 21 already, ready to dive into that world full of dirty people, politics, jobs, salaries, responsibilities, news, technology, children, new family roles etc but something claws at that long long long thought process, another uncanny retrograde line of thought. In a flash you see your world, every person and every moment and all that you did. The conclusion: what did 'I' do?

Are you ready yet? And you realize Kolkata is what started it, Kolkata is what ends it. Its like a parasite. The saddest part? You don't even realize when it settled on so bad. Life for someone like you, influenced so much by western culture, looked down upon by so many, who finds solace in little things that the bigger picture is never apparent, is not Kolkata. You think it is, but you are so wrong you realize slowly. Even then that conscious effort to persevere and get out is a tenacious one. You realize Kolkata's evergreen ambience of laziness in you.

A place where every system is wrong, where there are no rules for anyone, where the right are wrong and the wrong are right- I wonder why is it that such a place needs a government to rule it? It makes no difference whatsoever. The most important word for any settlement, any society to grow in the proper definition- ETHICS. A word which is just superficially there or not at all in most parts of Kolkata. That's where you start-comply, cooperate, agree, consent, decide, a proper well informed coordinated unanimously agreed start. If that's in place, there's no looking back. But here we are.

Tearing each other apart, blood boiling in our veins, ripped by slyness, thievery and malice, haunted every single day by the nightmares of our society, running away from the joys on offer, ending up curled in a corner with eyes wide open in fright, wonder, shock, awe, realization at the might of life.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

To the past!!!

For sometime now, I have had the writer's block again. It's weird. Everything with me, about me, seems to vacillate. Between what I want and what I don't. Indecision has forever been my faithful friend while luck has been the faithless one. They go hand in hand in repelling each other where I am involved.

I did write stuff here and there, but then most got erased and some got saved as drafts. I read a lot today. Not books or anything. Old stuff. After decades suddenly went online on Orkut. Read the testimonials people had written for me, testimonials I had written for people, that led onto visiting profiles, blogs by others etc. And I realized how very lucky I actually am. Even though through the web, people have told me things they would never have said to me in real life. Stuff that ranges from intimate quirks to general facts about me that everyone knows. All that connected by thin lines that are bursting at the seams. It's actually part of our life that we had bound ourselves to at one point in life but have forgotten that it exists these days. The testimonials are the priceless part, something which no other site has incorporated and spread so fiercely. I read the whole lot dedicated to me. Aniruddha, Bhaskar, Sim, Oindrila, Dia etc; everyone's. Everyone trying their level best to describe me n what I mean to them. :) The best I found was Hrishita's-endearing and intimate yet not in a way, sweet and funny at the same time but most importantly, the one I thought captured me in essence. Cheers to that and everything else!
For these features, Orkut will always be more than just a social networking site. Something from the days of our lives which we will always cherish-a remembrance of the youthful spirit, school and college days, flashbacks and friends.

Some profiles led to old pictures and more of reading material. But reading everything isn't possible write now. Beautiful poems and wild pictures came to light. Oh yeah and I have 4714 scraps! Tons man! History of communications since forever. And I have 37 fans. 37!!! That's like 3.5 cricket teams.... WOW!

But life's charging ahead at breakneck speed and I cant do nothing but go with the flow. I hope I never lose track of what was. Because what was builds what will be. And what will be will never be what was.


I am sitting at the International Arrivals section of Dulles airport right now and watching people. Reunions are always special.Different ...