Complaints...

Why does nothing ever seem right? I know yeah I complain too much but I can't help it. And this phase of no work to do is killing. Severe bouts of self-introspection is dangerous. And this phase is bringing huge doses of it. But what am I gonna say? Or do? The bugging part is no one else seems free. I know I appear busy to other people too. But most times, I am not. I have realized everyone can go ahead without me. People who I have always thought couldn't somehow. A few have started working, others gone abroad, others preparing for studies and the ones then left are plain aloof and don't seem to give a fish.

Music has taken a drastic turn. I have been doing shows now. With my own band with Samantak, Letters Blue. Feels weird to be out there. And people like me. That's weirder. But then again, because of the fact that I suffer from a writer's block most of the time and end up writing crappy forced out stuff and keep complaining about it(Again!!), I can't write anything. And making up songs is tough and playing guitar is tough too. And I can't do that. Complaint. I know I planned a lot of things, and I do not again understand why I am so lazy. And I have complaints about it too.

I wish I could take control. But I need a free independent surrounding to show my true colors and with my nosy n loud family around all the time it just isn't possible.

P.S. Curiously, there might be somebody who will accidentally see this post and comment on how frustrated I am. The dodo never realizes that I know it and hence the posts. That certain person always believes that I don't seem to know. Forgets that I wrote the stuff down. :P :P Hahahaha!

An Old House and Rats

I found a dirty old house with rusted gates.
When I went inside I found a maze.
At the end of the maze was a gigantic double bed.
Covered in dirt and cobwebs, i jumped on instead.
I spread my arms.I relaxed a little bit.
And that was when I found those lumps in the quilt.

A little lump a little bump
hiding under the sheets.
I pressed it hard, and boy,did they shriek!

I poked it hard, it wiggled away.
Little baby lumps of rats
living in a tray.

It's Alright

This one's for a friend:


Its a mystery is what it is
Not being in the light
Its just flashes in erratic fits
and again the unending fight.

She would never tell me, Amelia
And I kept wondering what was wrong.
It was always those sad eyes
hidden behind the sparkly pretty laugh.
It was never really out there
But I kept wondering what was wrong.
True enough
I am not entitled to know
But such sadness has a charm to it.
But I shouldn't give the word charm to it,
for the sadness in all of it.

My heart yearns to take her hand
and tell her it's alright
But I know she wouldn't ever listen to me
And disappear back into the night.
Erase all the statues you want,
storm the world tonight,
Make sure there's no one but you
In the clustered limelight.

You are strong,but yes sometimes wrong
But all of us are the same in here, Amelia.
Direction is hope,never lose your sight
remember us all,standing by your side.
I wish you'd be who you were before;
not someone, someone else cared for.

Stop a while will you friend?
Tell me your world is right again.
But the dark about you is your light
You'll never give up without a fight.

Tumult

Its easy to confuse
than straighten out the facts in your face.
delusion is another word for life
as it is for people who care.
The world is changed
and with it, changed have we.

Let alone yourself in a dark room one day.
the mere suffocation of it all
is but a mere fraction of what reality is.
Wasn't there a time when everything was what it was
And not something it was supposed to be?
Time closes your eyes before you know it's time to close your eyes.

Kindle in yourself a little fire.
Let it burn for a while.
But the strangeness of the fire is that you will not feel a thing at all.
Hold on they say, but to what they never do.
You're stuck where you are forever,
claiming it's not your fault.
But the fault isn't yours either, Is it?

Destiny can change a man's life
as it can ruin one's.
All is written beforehand and you are nobody to cross Her path.
Do what you will, change however you may,
what you see is never what it is.
But What you see is always What it is.

The stars conspire with the planets
On what is to become of each soul.
Its their universe we forget
where we are just passing souls.

Never will we ever find joy
because we have taught each other greed.
Our needs and wants grow each day
and we plant them again in our seeds.

Instead of taking in sights the stars offer us to see
we are busy plotting growth curves,
trying to be heroes we will never be.
Cursed upon by our own selves
Yet tried to be loved by the trees
we have failed every hope
and been brought down to our knees.

A little bit caught up in so much that’s on offer
Its hardly a question why you aren't there for each other.
Every break of dawn tells you the night is past but will come again
But yet you while away, while away till its too late to know yourselves.

Stand still for once and look back at the road
Bending and twisting, disappearing into the trees.
Stand still for once and you will see every little thing
Every detail in your world without a crease.

Happiness is but a lie in the face on the face
Another effect built by the unknowing defeated human race.
Yet it exists in a way not known to u, me, she or him.
It hides, flows, vanishes, burns and kills if need be.
Such is its power and to seek it we lust
Disintegrating religiously,
stitching back again and again
till nothing’s left but rust.

A contemplative evening sets free businesses and ships
But never the thought of picking life up from where we had lost it.
An evening with friends separates the laughter from the guilt
But never the thought that that's what life is.

Children

Saying goodbye to children is one of the worst things in this world. Every child, however quiet, however naughty or loud, brings about a certain new effervescence to life. Being grownups, what is it that draws us to children so much? The innocence about them, the ability to take in everything quietly, the prospect of not understanding the world, the ability to please and be the center of attraction, the blatant shows of love, the unrestrained questions, remarks and statements at anything and everything? Maybe all of that. Maybe not. But having children around makes for a better life. You learn so much. You do not act rashly around them. You control so much. Your will power, ability to love and understand and be a better human being grows more than anything. Just for the sake of the child. The attachment is unspoken, the bond is secure, the time spent flies ahead. But when the time comes to go own ways, the sadness,too, is unrestrained. You find yourself a more compassionate person, better at understanding people and dealing with them. And you know you're the better man. And you know that's what counts.


Dedicated to the school car pool drivers, the school bus drivers, the swimming trainers, the teachers in schools and creches, the tutors and people in similar professions.

Out of Reach

A while’s passed between when the bell rang for the first time and now. Seems like yesterday yet far away out of reach. We were so eager to get to that next level, we didn't pause to let that last bell sink in. We just waited for it to ring. As it did, an uncontrollable joy burst forth at the prospect of the ending. The ending that was the beginning of another ending.

Every ending is a hard time to go through. With it comes all the smiles, sadness and the promises kept and broken. But it did not matter then. We were on our way to becoming men of the world. How could we know that those very men did yearn to be us? Everything was new; a big world awaited where we assumed we knew much. Maybe we did except for the feelings that came at the end of the day. Those make it worse. Some turned out nosy, some turned out smart, some turned out to be fools, some turned out happy, some turned out sad, some blamed others, and some just wanted to go back. We were scared, nervous, yet eager and enthusiastic. We just wanted the end so that the next level could start. Life has progressed a lot in these days but at every step the burden gets heavier. Looking out for people was never part of the plan. We couldn't even look after our ownselves let alone the others. At times we know that this is what it is, this is how it goes, this is the package, this is life. But there are moments where the longing to ditch and drop everything and run away is just way too much. But we don't at the end because in spite of all that there is, we know what is right and what is wrong.

The best place to run away is back to where we started out. But since we cannot do that there is no use in running. It's a short life-if you can't have the best, why settle for something at all?

Whatever...

Such as not what it is,
is what it is supposed to be.
but it turned out quite what it is on the face.
whatever it may be.