Ready?

Its time for a change. A change much needed. Fresh air, new stars to see, new places to stay, new people to meet. A craving like this has been rearing its head n flaring its nostrils now for quite some time. Kolkata, in spite of all the fun, the old friends and the humongous family, is a dead end. SMACK!!! on the wall kind! You stay here, all you feel is nostalgia, an uncontrollable sense of pseudowisom, and the unwelcome feeling of being old now and then. You just grow and grow and time flies by as you enjoy yourself with everyone. But as the day ends, you start wondering about what happened to you?
You're 21 already, ready to dive into that world full of dirty people, politics, jobs, salaries, responsibilities, news, technology, children, new family roles etc but something claws at that long long long thought process, another uncanny retrograde line of thought. In a flash you see your world, every person and every moment and all that you did. The conclusion: what did 'I' do?

Are you ready yet? And you realize Kolkata is what started it, Kolkata is what ends it. Its like a parasite. The saddest part? You don't even realize when it settled on so bad. Life for someone like you, influenced so much by western culture, looked down upon by so many, who finds solace in little things that the bigger picture is never apparent, is not Kolkata. You think it is, but you are so wrong you realize slowly. Even then that conscious effort to persevere and get out is a tenacious one. You realize Kolkata's evergreen ambience of laziness in you.

A place where every system is wrong, where there are no rules for anyone, where the right are wrong and the wrong are right- I wonder why is it that such a place needs a government to rule it? It makes no difference whatsoever. The most important word for any settlement, any society to grow in the proper definition- ETHICS. A word which is just superficially there or not at all in most parts of Kolkata. That's where you start-comply, cooperate, agree, consent, decide, a proper well informed coordinated unanimously agreed start. If that's in place, there's no looking back. But here we are.

Tearing each other apart, blood boiling in our veins, ripped by slyness, thievery and malice, haunted every single day by the nightmares of our society, running away from the joys on offer, ending up curled in a corner with eyes wide open in fright, wonder, shock, awe, realization at the might of life.

To the past!!!

For sometime now, I have had the writer's block again. It's weird. Everything with me, about me, seems to vacillate. Between what I want and what I don't. Indecision has forever been my faithful friend while luck has been the faithless one. They go hand in hand in repelling each other where I am involved.

I did write stuff here and there, but then most got erased and some got saved as drafts. I read a lot today. Not books or anything. Old stuff. After decades suddenly went online on Orkut. Read the testimonials people had written for me, testimonials I had written for people, that led onto visiting profiles, blogs by others etc. And I realized how very lucky I actually am. Even though through the web, people have told me things they would never have said to me in real life. Stuff that ranges from intimate quirks to general facts about me that everyone knows. All that connected by thin lines that are bursting at the seams. It's actually part of our life that we had bound ourselves to at one point in life but have forgotten that it exists these days. The testimonials are the priceless part, something which no other site has incorporated and spread so fiercely. I read the whole lot dedicated to me. Aniruddha, Bhaskar, Sim, Oindrila, Dia etc; everyone's. Everyone trying their level best to describe me n what I mean to them. :) The best I found was Hrishita's-endearing and intimate yet not in a way, sweet and funny at the same time but most importantly, the one I thought captured me in essence. Cheers to that and everything else!
For these features, Orkut will always be more than just a social networking site. Something from the days of our lives which we will always cherish-a remembrance of the youthful spirit, school and college days, flashbacks and friends.

Some profiles led to old pictures and more of reading material. But reading everything isn't possible write now. Beautiful poems and wild pictures came to light. Oh yeah and I have 4714 scraps! Tons man! History of communications since forever. And I have 37 fans. 37!!! That's like 3.5 cricket teams.... WOW!

But life's charging ahead at breakneck speed and I cant do nothing but go with the flow. I hope I never lose track of what was. Because what was builds what will be. And what will be will never be what was.

Hold On.....

Hold on...
Those are the words to listen to regardless of what Michael Buble goes onto say thereafter in his song Hold On. Two very important words that we forget about in our daily lives. As we move ahead, branch out, delve into n go upwards more n more everyday, we must never lose sight of these two words. Two words that will keep any person sane throughout their life.

The age I am at is the most vulnerable of all. The deciding point in life. My choice. To go up or to go down. And both are scary. You usually come across the term 'staring down into a dark abyss'. I'd say u might as well stare up, makes no difference. A sandglass in a dark room without a grain of sand and you stuck right in the middle. Scary shit, isn't it?

Anyway, life's all about happiness and its fallacies. We just prefer the former and wish it to freeze it that way! Which we can't of course. Material shit has gotten to us so bad that it seems the only way out of every problem. Too bad we don't realize where we are headed. Some of us do and cry out. But then who cares about the Minority Reports? Disregard. Throw aside. There are others amongst us who realize where we all are headed yet give in to materialism. Its all about that. Cocaine, DMT, LSD, marijuana, morphine, adrenochrome, heroin, ecstasy, crack, opium, meth- give this list to anyone, they'd say WHOA! But that WHOA! can just come burgeoning out at two words- Money n Power. That's it. All that there is in the world. Two things men, women, clubs, parties, Governments are running after since forever. Once caught in the web, it's difficult to untangle yourself.

Our parents have been screaming at us to stop at every point and think out everything properly before going ahead with anything. But indirectly, at some points in our lives, they have just asked us to rush forwards. Everybody needs that balance, someone to shout into the people's ears "HOLD ON"! Two words to set the world right again. Isn't much if we think about it. But either we do and forget or we don't because we're just hungry for what's on the other side, never stopping once to see if the grass is greener or yellower.

The speed is increasing. Slowly but steadily the needle is climbing the curve. Its a beaten up buggy,this world, how fast do you think it will go? Sooner or later, you gonna hear a bang n a crash and everything will just stop. Tinker the parts at least before you press pedal to the metal.... Make sure the seats don't creak, the seat belts don't get stuck, the paint is fresh, all the little details. Ready, Set? Whoa, Hold On Hold On. Last but not the least, check inside the car, are the people inside ready for the speed? Make sure! Ready, Set, Go!!!

...........

At this point, life seems a blank. Whatever I do just seems to lead nowhere. Its true I have always craved for the good life. And i do feel left out from a proper college life because of Durgapur. I tell myself that had I been in Kolkata, I would have done so much. But i guess if there hadn't been any Durgapur, I wudnt have known what is being actually cutoff from the world I am used to. Whatever the case, am sure, I would have been able to do something if I had been in Kolkata. Maybe not all that I had wished for. Just a bit.

Coldplay n me.

"For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me. "

Coldplay is one band that has transformed me, my life and my sense of music and lyrics. Every song of theirs has had a profound impact on me. In some way or the other, Chris Martin has encouraged me to write. My writings, however seldom they are, have more depth now I feel. But I would not say that its just Coldplay alone. Life as I know it, has changed and is changing, evolving, turning, flipping upside down, here and there. And it's becoming more difficult day by day to hold on. All this, Chris Martin etc has changed me. Maybe for the good. Maybe for the bad. But I seriously hope it is the former case because the way 2011 has been treating me, I feel like a ragged doll, torn, shaken n blown by 70miles per hour winds!

...... :|

There's this weird little odd feeling inside me. Sometimes I may be able to put my finger on what it is. But most of the times, I have no idea what it is. But it's always there, something poking here and there. I worry too much. I think too much. And I just cannot stop doing so however badly I want to. It might be that after all these years, it's just the feeling of something poking me when actually there's nothing. It is very weird. And distracting. Not to mention irritating. I just don't know what to do about it.

Wild.Untamed.

Limelight. Streaks of hair.
Wild. Untamed.
Stage. Microphone.
Grunge. Scream.

Darkness. One shot.
Heat. Halogens.
Heavy.Metal.
Wild. Untamed.

War song. Blue eyes.
Soldiers. Bloodshot.
Wild.Untamed.
Death. Mosh.

Wild.Untamed.
Frenzy. Crowd.
'Them'. Leap of Faith.
Distortion. Pulsethrob.