Another year gone by and another month of the new one gone. I have stopped trying to understand how time is working its way. The moment I pause to think about where everything has rushed past, the feeling itself is a rush. How did everything go by so quickly? When did we grow up so fast? Seems like yesterday that we were in school, in college, trying to make our way into the big bad world. Now we are immersed in it and all we want to do is go back.
I remember days from the past where all I did was do literally nothing. Those days are rare right now. Even the weekends seem to be full, there is always someone to meet, always somewhere to go, always something that needs to be done. Amidst the desk job, numerous scooter servicings, household chores, keeping up with the hobbies, keeping yourself updated about the world, the dreams still exist. I have always been slower than the rest, lagging behind the world for some reason, its not that I don't want to be ahead;somehow Lady Luck keeps scoffing at me. Maybe over the years this sentiment has crawled in and nestled down in my subconscious, giving me hope that good things are on the way. I regret at times not being where I want to be at the points in life I wanted to, but I really can't regret fully since they do arrive later. I must hope, I must dream, in the shadows and the realms of loneliness, I must stay alive.
I imagined another kind of life-one that involved creativity, art, words, travel. But its going to be 4 years since the last day of college and I am at a desk with my machine for company. I cannot for the life of me imagine how it will look down the road if I continue on this avenue but the leap of faith has its parameters. People think ahead, I see blackness in every sphere of my life. I know in my heart that had I done what I loved to do, things in every sphere would have been clearer. I also understand these are heavy words and the practical thing to do would be to stick to my job and try to rise in it.
But is that right or wrong to do? Am I doing justice to the life I was given? A life that should encompass the beauty of this world, free to do anything and go anywhere, sing out loud when I want and sleep days and nights away without a thought. It might be the books,music and movies talking here, but reality should at least have a part of freedom, it should offer that choice without parameters once so that things get easier for me. After all, they do say good things happen to good people and I have tried my best to be so except for a few mistakes.
I think I will keep up the hope, dream the dreams; it might not really take me anywhere, but there would always be that butterfly to catch.
I remember days from the past where all I did was do literally nothing. Those days are rare right now. Even the weekends seem to be full, there is always someone to meet, always somewhere to go, always something that needs to be done. Amidst the desk job, numerous scooter servicings, household chores, keeping up with the hobbies, keeping yourself updated about the world, the dreams still exist. I have always been slower than the rest, lagging behind the world for some reason, its not that I don't want to be ahead;somehow Lady Luck keeps scoffing at me. Maybe over the years this sentiment has crawled in and nestled down in my subconscious, giving me hope that good things are on the way. I regret at times not being where I want to be at the points in life I wanted to, but I really can't regret fully since they do arrive later. I must hope, I must dream, in the shadows and the realms of loneliness, I must stay alive.
I imagined another kind of life-one that involved creativity, art, words, travel. But its going to be 4 years since the last day of college and I am at a desk with my machine for company. I cannot for the life of me imagine how it will look down the road if I continue on this avenue but the leap of faith has its parameters. People think ahead, I see blackness in every sphere of my life. I know in my heart that had I done what I loved to do, things in every sphere would have been clearer. I also understand these are heavy words and the practical thing to do would be to stick to my job and try to rise in it.
But is that right or wrong to do? Am I doing justice to the life I was given? A life that should encompass the beauty of this world, free to do anything and go anywhere, sing out loud when I want and sleep days and nights away without a thought. It might be the books,music and movies talking here, but reality should at least have a part of freedom, it should offer that choice without parameters once so that things get easier for me. After all, they do say good things happen to good people and I have tried my best to be so except for a few mistakes.
I think I will keep up the hope, dream the dreams; it might not really take me anywhere, but there would always be that butterfly to catch.
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