To be or not to be

I think I believe in Karma. I mean I do think a lot of things. But am not really sure of the exact stuff I do want to believe in or the ones I should. I mean it keeps changing.There was once a point when I used to believe in Destiny,I don't think I do at this moment. maybe some event in the future will trigger that belief again in me. But till then, I guess Karma has taken it's place. I do good, good happens to me. I go for bad, bad goes for me.

I kept thinking about the fact that I have had it too easy always. That's why I have never reached anywhere in life,nor personally. I escaped everytime things got  a bit tough around me. So I decided to not escape from stuff instead. Now that I am doing that, I am discovering  a lot of things that I was losing out. And contrary to my earlier belief, I am actually enjoying this part. Yes at times,it's getting frustrating and I want to give up. but I am reminding myself that I must go through with this, to know what it is like, to be a better person, and to be down to earth and be practical. It's teaching me a lot. I am surprised to find myself enjoying all this right now.

I hope I grab right opportunities during this phase,otherwise,it's bound to be like a long bad hangover.

Grungy Floating Palaces Of Gold

I couldn't see ahead even when the light shone bright.
Complacency changed the whole wide world.
The rivers flowed as I counted my days at the start,
They kept flowing even when I forgot to count.
They kept screaming in my ears and I bade them well,
They were right I knew,but I couldn't blame myself.
Too many lives, too much to know,
And at the end, I forgot who I was.
I kept thinking I'm the king,
All the while knowing deep inside,
That I was a pawn,
and the world chose its sides.
You'll never be good as I am,
I'll never be good as them,
Stuck in our grungy floating palaces,
We assure ourselves the walls are all gold.
Every night there's a new dream,
Every day there's a new man.
By night again, I have got to sleep,
And the next day I'm a changed again.

It was wrong to dream, to aspire and change the world.
Those who bought a boat, floated safely down the river.
Now the river's flooding its banks, and all its fish are dead.
And I have nowhere to run, which anyway will not help.

Dreams That Never End

I think I got lost today

With the rise of the morning star.

I looked back to see if I was being followed,

But I made it safely across before the sun rose.

Now I have miles ahead of me,

To discover every realm there could possibly be.

I am left with the oceans and the forests,

Villages and cities,

Overflowing with my people all around the world.

And nowhere will I stop too long

Unless I could really use some rest for my tired feet.

All the lamp posts glow dim at dawn,

I never really noticed that.

Light replaces light,

While the fire shirks away.

And the music flows through the very blood of our souls.

I can see the chimney smoke and the smoke from the cars.

I know I am in the city now.

Here direction is aimless and my mind keeps stretching till it tears,

Yearning for coffee in a way I have never known.

With cigarette butts and coffee black,

And shoes cast aside in formal ways,

I make my way and I make my way

Through everything perceived by the eye,

invisible to the eyes of all distant men.

I toiled on my  dreams for years before

I made it out with a flicker of sadness.

But choices were never my friends,

And I fell as soon as I passed the test.

I could go on forever I thought.

But age makes one weary of  the road.

And I grow restless and restless,

While there's talk of me quitting my way.

But I am jubilant and more eager to stay on my way,

Picking up ways foreign to my native clouds.

That was the dream and it shall never end.

Till the end of my days draws near,

I'll keep sleeping through every storm that might rear its head.

And when I'm done I won't even know.

It's just too less to ask for when there's so much to know.

Soliloquy

Too many things are lost everyday.

Important things.

Important to you and me.

And things that seem important,
but are not,

go the same ways.

We keep getting lost, 
you and me,

without a trace.

Not knowing how we should be.

But we keep coming together somehow somewhere.

And then we keep getting lost again.

Intricacy is a part of feelings.

Feelings that aren't true anymore.

Feelings that are on the verge of a sudden cliff.

Feelings seemingly familiar from such a long time ago.

There are ways to know if you care.

There are ways to make sure you don't.

Faith blinds the very road inside out.

And belief sets you free.

I don't know how long it takes

for my heart to jump

or for my feet to brake.

Seemingly straight is my mellow road.

Unseen and swaying is its wake.

I keep crossing out every option that comes my way,

with my arms stretched out forever,

as if I  have forgotten how to pray.

And through the worlds I walk thus,

Adding a drop of poison to my skin.

Each day it spreads faster than cancer

until I bend double in pain.

But you smile and I smile back.

I never did tell you the secret of my skin.

I could whisper into your ears forever

of everything that makes for nothing in the world.

And you would know at the end,

you would know everything and clutch in vain.

My thoughts aren't deep 

neither are they scarce.

But together with yours

they're bound to leave scars.

And in the end,

all the people hurt,

all the people shamed,

all the people wronged,

and all the people tamed,

they'll visit you once,

to forgive and forget.

And then you would know,

there was love all along

hiding in your heart secretly

when all you did
was stay away.

Encore

A little way into the past,

there's a bit of you and me.

Not the ones that you or I know of now,

but ones with the horribly bruised knees.

A togetherness that will never be,

and a kiss that says I love you without a word here and there.

Endless complaints to feel free,

never having to try too hard to care.

There we were, making promises to each other in packs,

bailing out every time someone failed to bother.

Fights and tiffs amidst love so different from eight years back,

holding on secretly to confusing fathers and mothers.

Now we have to make sure our kids don't fall,

make sure we have saved enough to last ten falls,

make sure we are there to cure our world,

whenever there is a chance to lose every bit of it all.

And then comes the part where we can't have our way,

watch out so that the cocoon of happiness doesn't constantly break,

hold on to everyone around so they don't complain

then return home with a heart as heavy as hell.

And all the promises to be there forever are broken forever,

with only a hope that tingles the heart with lies.

So when the lights in the city die out one by one,

all we can do is try to stir our heart to fight.

But when the soul is beat and the eyes so yellow,

the mind so numb and the heart so mellow,

All we can do is put the children's hearts in the little glass jars,

and lie down comfortably to stare at the stars.

Star Child

When times change,people don't.
So goes the law of nature that traverses time.
But every hundred years or so there's a change that is inevitable.
So much so that people forget what it was like to be old.

There comes a change in sanity and insanity alike.
Every door gushes forth a child unmistakably unbound.
And thousands rise in rebellion against the dam that had broken the earth.
Falling and rising with each wave of the hand
the masses swirl into unknown depths.
And the depths loom and loom blacker with the sun that rises everyday.
While everyone learns to know what is wrong in their right.

Suddenly the songs have no meaning
and the nation searches for a soul to write
And one day out of nowhere in obscurity emerges one warrior
fighting the publishers and the mongrels alike.
The nation finds its voice and screams out in glory,
hiding courage in their overconfident tones.
And when the time comes to prove their death to the world
they go down in history as characters of a distant past.
The future hardly pays any attention to what they did,
sacrificing what they had so that we could be.

And all we care about are diamond stars
And all we care about are fancy cars.

Nowhere do we think of the hundreds slaughtered
to excuse the whims of cowards that preach lies.
Nowhere do we write down laws
to severe the ties of inhumanity.
Never do we remain satisfied.

Somewhere,sometimes a little heart breaks.
Somewhere,sometimes a little heart is sold.
Somewhere,sometimes a little heart grows weary.
Somewhere,sometimes a little heart grows old.
Children of the star, grated by evil against the wall.
Sanity goes amiss, when asked to take the fall.
And they do because they have nowhere to go.
Only one to believe,and no one to say no.

Waiting

You could see the smiles on their faces
as they played on the sun.
No notion about their universe,
Or the endless black all around.

They could dive into the sun and no one would notice for a moment they were gone.
Then they could come back up again and no one would still care for a moment.

When your mother is lost and your father is gone,
When strangers knock at your door as soon as you have turned twelve,
When all you can hear are insecurities being vented out,
There's nothing to try for except hope till the end.

The rooms contract every night,
Gradually pushing them against the walls.
The windows bolt themselves shut
while the dove cries through the night.
The beads of sweat give way to anguish,
Relentless wrinkles of desperation show up in the broken shards of the mirror.

The blue mists hide whatever dreams they had ever had.
And the mountains never let the moon go out into the night.

Silver wings sprout on them and wear off every month,
Protecting them from the hunger that makes for the blanket of all the filth.
Bruised for reasons justified only by punches returned,
Saving money by not buying clothes,
Wearing the ones they already have for days on end
till each thread wears itself out loose.


Tonight is a beautiful night by the beach,
But all I keep wondering about is how they go on.
Never doing anything for themselves
but doing everything for themselves to keep moving on.
Where does the courage come from?
Where does the hope reside?
Where do they keep the strength?
Where have they locked away all their hearts?



They deserve every bit of grace,
To see life as the others do,
To unlock their hearts and fall in love,
To know what it is like to have a future,
To know that they have a chance;
One chance for a life the civil man does not look down upon
But that's where the civil man has already stooped down.