Temporary Flower

They have straightened out the matter

And rung her wedding bells

While she had struggled

To make a fool out of their selves.

They have cast the line into water

And chosen the fattest fish

The bones could be less they said

While trying to make a dish.

They have asked the river boatman

To make sure that he comes

With all he knows and doesn’t too

They would help to keep her mum.

She wouldn’t know they said

She wouldn’t even fight

Well, she couldn’t even know

She couldn’t even fight

She would never see her toys

She would only play with boys

She would gulp down her giggles

And never make a noise.

Roads as empty

As shallow

As quiet

As dark

As fearful

As long

As lonely

As the tunnels in the dark.

Which the trains light up

Every now and then.

The lights show through

But that’s the briefest of brief seconds.

All the animals in its path will be torn down anyway.

But there will be no noise.

Except the rumbling staccato of the train.

Like the long moan of a sudden grief.

Blinding the trespassers.

Blinding all their means

Blinding their secrets

Overturning all their dreams.

Learning from her toys

She would imitate her favourite

She called herself Queen Bee

Similar to the soft one left at home.

Secrets and whispers

And a windowpane so grey

They advised her to dance to the music

That he could play so well.

So she danced

And transcended time

She swore to herself

To never let him rhyme.

She killed them off every year.

And stored away the water in her closets.

Gave them a gift every year.

Till he stopped playing his music.

Wish I Was There

I see them smile
A secret shared
Or a joke that he made.
She nods and smiles
They understand
words I cant even hear
yet I'd wanna know the reason for their laugh.

She sits quiet
He talks all the time
Never did I want a hand
in my hand
yet I wish for its warmth for a moment.
The stars smile at them
I long for their glance my way
And they walk away into the night.

The torn edges and the yellowed paper
The rush of happiness
Remains of joy held in my own hands
I could almost touch the days that had flown by.

Wish I was there.
In the secrets of the unknown friends.
Wish I was there,
In the arms of the unknown lover.
Wish I was there,
in the past where they weren't unknown.
Wish I was there,
part of someone,
part of something.
To tell myself, I was someone again.

Regrets.

Regrets. The worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone. I think it comes for insecurity and from being unsure about things in life. If there was only a definite way to get away from all this but alas, there are none. Try running away from any situation in life and it will be clear to you when the regrets set in. Try getting closer to something and it will, again, be clear to you when the regrets set in. You need a balance and that’s what life tries to teach us all the way through school, college, jobs; from the start to the end. And you will never know where that point is. Where you are happy with all you have and sad about nothing. That’s the way life is. It keeps throwing stuff at you, new things you have no idea about and old things that you had forgotten so much about that they seem new too. And once you go wrong or leave something unattended, unfinished, it’s time for regrets in your future.

It’s the one thing I never want to have in life. Even if something goes wrong I want to look at it as an experience and forget having regrets about it. I really cannot undo the past so there is really no use being sad about it. Quoting a friend, “Having a sorted out present ensures a regret free future”.  Hence, my immediate plan is to sort out what I have now and leave the worries of the future behind. Which is actually quite a paradox. But I really can’t say leave worries of the future ahead.

The Heart and The Shroud.

No I don't really feel like everything is right. I really don't know how 25 is supposed to feel. But looking around I really don't know what to make of anything right now. Reasons are exactly in two categories: one being a set of people who are slamming good jobs, getting married, settling down etc etc. The other being a set of people in which I am too-the confused ones- still looking for better jobs, partying, getting high, doing their stuff with hardly a care of the world.

I don't know which path is right and my heart keeps telling me to do what I feel is right. To me, people are important and thats what's driving me. I like a lot of people in my life, and that means the second one definitely. But is it the right path? Society says the first one is right and now I am caught between making myself happy which would mean utter selfishness n disregard for people asking to be a better societal man and trying to be all grown up , settle down get a good job etc which would mean utter disregard for my own self.

And spiralling down to that same inevitable question at the roots of all problems- is society a norm or a distraction to go forward in life?

Any argument that could start on the basis of the above question will never have an end result. The structure of human society is so complex and has so many layers on itself that it is inevitable that if you start peeling off one bad layer, a good layer will have to compromise too.

The songs, poems, movies, books have always talked about following your heart but is it ever possible to do so? Bound by society, its unwritten laws, shrouded hypocrisy, you can never say or do what you really want. There are always people to pull you down, make life uncomfortable at times for no reason whatsoever. Is it really a crime to want all the good things in life? I know again there would be a darker side to it too, but its really not wrong to think so.

I really feel a bit lost at times about everything, And with time rushing by at such breakneck speed,it seems to be lost forever too.

Yours Forever

All the times you stood by me
Never doubting the way I look.
Cuz I was always your spark
Faltering but there I stood.

Up in your arms
across your sky,
in your dreams
in your daily stride.
Down in the dark
I was your light
and I knew
that you were mine.



And if the stars never showed their light
the darkened sky couldn't hold me back
from being your star in your own skies.
And if the words came to an end
I'm still yours forever
in all those letters unsent.



And each time I made you smile
I felt the glow upon my cheeks.
Always knowing I had a special place
little did I know you would

Leave me alone
turn off the lights
In my dreams
In my daily stride.
And I could just try
Standing aside
But I knew
That you would mind.



And if the stars never showed their light
the darkened sky couldn't hold me back
from being your star in your own skies.
And if the words came to an end
I'm still yours forever
in all those letters unsent.

Firefly.

The dream was to hit the road. Blame it on the books, blame it on the movies, blame it on the soaps and sitcoms and the songs and the poetry. I knew I had to do it someday. Every little brush with the difficulties of growing up strengthened my resolve and weakened my heart. Its another world. It's another song. A song about the last days being tied up,a song about the last days with people you know, a song about the first of many firsts, a song about unraveling, a song about the lights on the buildings far away, a song about leaving behind love, a song about carrying memories on 4X6 pieces of glossy paper.

With the trees and the wind as the theme music of life, the sing song voices of the farmers who'd lend food, the humdrum of rivers crashing and pulling through the rocks, I could be the skin on which rocks could sketch my name and hide so very lightly from the eyes of others.

I could hide, I could laugh, I could see, I could feel. Away from the masks, I would slip mine off and that face which they once knew would be out in the sunshine again, and they will not see me because that face would have been forgotten long back. And the sun wouldn't be as hot as it earlier felt. The winds would be cooler than ever but the road would stretch and I would have to move.

One step,two steps and another five in all.
That's all it takes to make it out of the door.
And once out,there's no twice to it
Because if you look back and you heart latches onto a memory
You will smile and your mind will bend.
The years have taken their toll.
This could have been easy
But now the mind is aged and the heart is weak.
You've lost your trust.
You can't lose your trust.
Especially when the one to trust
Is you yourself.

A firefly.
With no one to guide
And a light of your own.

Waste of a suicide note

Efforts, futile and wasted, lying,
gasping,sucking in the last gasps of air.
Air so heavy with the cries of the men and women and the children
as they prayed to their gods,
redeemers of their souls,
awashed in the grime of human comfort.

31 days and 31 nights
spent in the wakeful hours of dawn
while the children dreamed,
the dogs screamed
the birds rustled
and the men leaned.
smiles agape on the men's faces
the women seemingly selfish.
untidiness let loose.
rampaging its way through blissful streets.

every day being a reason
every night being a reason
the seasons passed in utter anonymity
things were in place
life scattered all over them
protruding in places, rusted in others.
uncovering everything beneath the wishlist
meant people speaking their way into the space again

He could be the healer
He could the massacre
He could be the stranger
He could be the best friend
He could be wishes
He could be longing
He could be Fate
He could let go.

Could he?
Or would he float too?
Alive in the dead man's suit
trapped and suffocated.
writing out pieces of his life on trees and papers
remembrance mattered.

Someone had to notice.
One final sheet.
One final letter.
Written over 3 months
With hundreds of words
enveloped over themselves
taking his life at the last punctuation.
And then the day.
Papers in place
Butterflies scattered all over the room.
Holes in the wall
Eddie rocking the stage
Sleep.
Anger.
Happiness.
Guilt.
Perverseness.
Sadness.
took a moment to crash into the shore.
And then the tide started pulling away.
It pulled and pulled away.
Under overcast skies.
Stars faded into the clouds.
He tasted the salt.
He felt the breeze.
And two things suddenly happened.
Pitch blackness.
Stark whiteness.

They looked at him.
Some of them smiled in gratitude.
Some of them smiled in happiness.
Some of them smiled in relief.

He evolved. And the sheets burnt into oblivion.