What She Wants, What You Want

She wants midnight adventures and spontaneous kisses
To look at real life with near misses
From the stories she reads.
She wants to test you with the questions
she's heard her friends being asked
by their boyfriends.

For some reason,
It's a constant comparison,
A constant rain of thoughts
A whirlwind of doubts.

You want things easy,
A pace where it's nobody's problem
If you drive fast or slow.
You like the space you have with her
The space to be filled with laughs and sparks.
The space where there shouldn't be doubts.

It's a circle of invasion and evasion,
Just because it can be done.
It's a circle of circles in the end,
Just because it can be done.

What If I Didn't Try To Fix You?? (Not So Coldplay Cover)

When you’ve tried your best, but you didn't succeed
You didn’t  get what you want, nor what you need
Now you feel so tired,  you just want to sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
Cuz you’ve lost something you can't replace
You’ve loved someone, but its gone to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights didn’t guide you home
It didn’t ignite your bones
And I didn’t try to fix you.

And high up above or down below
You were too in love to let it go
N now you’ve tried so you know
Just what you're worth

Lights didn’t guide you home
It didn’t ignite your bones
And I didn’t try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face
Cuz you’ve  lost something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights didn’t guide you home
It didn’t ignite your bones
And I didn’t try to fix you.

Bhavra (Bee)

In Hindi,the word "bhavra" means bee and garners a lot of content and significance in Hindi, Urdu literature; the context in most cases being as free as a bee, or being innocent, as the English would say. It signifies freedom, zero restraints, a spirit which transpires freely across everyone and everything.

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There's a rusty forlorn cart full of tea,flames,mouth fresheners,biscuits,deep fried snacks and a living associated with it.
There's an old man,his brother,his wife,a white dog with one ear bent spending days under the cart and a child playing with the old man's wife. The child is the vegetable vendor's daughter who sits across the street. She sells her vegetables and her other half plays with the old man's wife. When the end of the day comes, the child leaves with her mother,the vegetable seller. I don't know if the old couple have children of their own.
He had bought a house years back for an amount of money which will not even buy a rich man's son a motorbike these days.
He still pays off the loan to the bank by selling tea and snacks. He is at the corner of a street which has turned into a three way crossing from a single curving road.
He knows how to tell time in ways more than one. The clock inside his cart is just a device to him. He has his own references to time through the fields, trees, buildings, shops, men, women, puppies, dogs, cars, technology that have bustled in and out of his life.
He still has to pay off his loan completely and hence, the tea stall,his cycle, the endless trips to buy tea leaves,milk,sugar and ginger exists.
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There are quite a few dogs that have their lives centered around his shop. In the mornings, he or his wife lay out several plates of bread and milk mashed together for the dogs to eat. The white dog with one of its ears bent lives under the cart itself and when not asleep, spends time being petted by the wife or one of the customers.

I was there on a Monday evening, drinking tea, staring at the sky where black was winning the battle over the blue and orange,a slight breeze blowing.
A puppy appeared out of nowhere, brown fur, bright-eyes and the thinnest tail I have ever seen on a dog. It jumped around for a while, getting in everyone's way and the old man had to finally shoo him away. I watched the puppy move off to the other side of the road and immediately a worried looking brown dog (I am assuming she was the mother)followed the puppy. The streets were busy and a car was taking a turn at the three-way crossing and I lost sight of the puppy on the other side of the road. At the turn, the car slowed as the driver twisted its wheels and suddenly I saw the puppy appear out of nowhere and cross the road with centimeters to spare in front of the car. I looked at the driver and saw the driver hadn't noticed the pup nor the near miss at all. He couldn't have. It had all happened in a matter of seconds.
The puppy dashed across to our side and went off sniffing around as if nothing had happened at all.
I remarked to the old man, "Abhi gaadi ke neeche aa jaata"(He would have been run over by that car just now!).

The old man just said,"nahi nahi,usko kuch nahi hoga, bhavra hai woh"("No no, nothing will happen to him, he is like a bee").

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Bug

"Pssst! I think I have caught a bug,

Meet me my dearest and I will tell you.

Maybe you know what the bug is,

I can't seem to put my finger on it.

There's a kind of itching

But a ticklishness where the bug's bit.

I don't know if I want the bug on me.

Maybe you can decide for me."

Meet me soon,

I've called you time and again.

You never pick up the phone

So I ended up with the idea of a letter.

I had already sent you a letter

With all kinds of news about my life.

I am sending one more letter today

And I have written about the bug in it.

I wrote you  a poem once,

Combined words that rhymed,

Inspired from a postcard I had once seen as a child.

It was childish,wasn't it?

But the happier dreams are made of such moments,

I have no regrets.

Maybe you'd laughed,

I don't know till date,

You'd just smiled and thanked me.

I should have asked your girlfriends about it.

"Fireworks and starlight

The postcard read it was the occasion of Twelfth Night

In Iceland where winter, our favourite season

Hangs out all year round with all its might."

What a goofball.

Terribly "underrated" (terrible) talent shimmers beneath.

I wish we could rewind to the point in time where we had met,

Beneath the starlight in the park, with fireworks welcoming the New Year in the sky,

We'd been walking alone, we'd lost our friends in the crowd.

I still have that number you'd given me that day.

Numbers changed,addresses flipped, friends resurfaced and got lost in that crowd again,

Maybe the letter will work.

Maybe I could dial that number you'd given me in the park,

Would it be possible to rewind then?

Let me try 02508975648387.

Absolutes

Life is not made up of absolutes. I firmly believe in this fact by now.
Nothing is black or white, good or evil,loved or hated, yes or no. There is always a grey area between that black or white or an indecision between the yes or no which lingers in memory for everything relevant. 
If you decide to buy a shirt, you would think about how the other color at the store would have looked with the trouser you are putting on.
If someone cheats on you, you would tend to go back to the intimate moments in spite of the hate.

Between the birth and death of a star, it outshines itself. At times we see the shine,at times the clouds get the better of it. But the star still exists against all the odds. 
As we get older, we understand what our lives are worth, is more than a definite absolute. We cling to memories and experiences and use them where we see decisions to be made. These circumstances result in more experiences that form all that matters between the yes and no,the black and white.
It's of the utmost importance,that these grey areas exist. Without them, we are just decisive, cold, calculating humans. These are the real emotions with which decisions are made in life. And without emotions, we are bare beings.

There are times in life when we do feel that an absolution is absolutely necessary;there are no emotions that should be considered,and a yes or no should be said. Problem is that the fact that we wanted to make sure no emotions are involved,is an emotion in itself. It brings with it its relevant doubts,questions, answers, solutions et al. 

Image Source:Google.

Peace will never be achieved if there is absolutes. Contrary to what the brain may say at times, the most important part of life are experiences,memories;the grey area which we want to overlook while taking decisions. But without that part of life,there are no decisions,there is no peace to our soul. 

Absolutes do not exist.

Wanderer

She stands in front of you
Your light, your night,
Your senses,your sight.

Your heart yearns to take her hand in your own,
Your heart doesn't want to agree with your brain,
Your heart tears apart under the spell of her smile,
Does you heart really know what's wrong and what's right?

Should you,for once, listen to your heart?
Give her a chance lest you lose your part?

The past cannot be undone.
You must forgive and forget.
And be the better man that you were born to be.
You must lose yourself in her thoughts and dreams,
Know her better than she knows herself,
Be her world and you will have yourself a new world,
More beautiful than you have ever known.

She stands before you
Sad yet radiant.
Without a tear to show for her hopelessness
Her gaze is endearing.

Looking at you straight in the eyes
Where she has always believed that hope resides.

images source:Google

Dream Diary- Pearl Jam

Okay I am not making things up at all, I know there was a Coldplay dream earlier and now there is a Pearl Jam, but both these dreams had gaps between them, I am just trying to kind of put them in some sort of order. 

Dream Log 2:

Imagine Darjeeling,specifically the Mall Road, not all the way up to the top but somewhere in the bazaars. There are people milling about everywhere; clothes, shoes, ornaments, decorative pieces, jewellery, lamps, shawls, spices and anything you can think of, the bazaar has it all. From somewhere there is a smell of coffee and maybe a bit of onions being fried. I am kind of overseeing the whole scene. There are children running about and adults and children riding on horses. There's a permanent stench of horse feces, unknown to the locals but the tourists and the visitors have their noses wrinkled at times. Among all the shops, eateries, inns and restaurants there is a small antique shop filled with old clocks, jewellery boxes, chairs, books and all other kinds of junk stuff that you can think of. The owner of the shop is an old couple. The man sits in the shop while his wife knits mufflers and sweaters and tries to sell them at the front of the shop. Inside this very shop there are a few people who are not native to Darjeeling or India even.

It's the member of the grunge rock band from the nineties-Pearl Jam. They are all old now. Wearing loose pants and large half-kurta like t-shirts. They have mufflers around their necks which they bought from the wife in the store. They have been in Darjeeling for quite sometime now,roaming about here and there,trying out the eateries, visiting the mountains,camping. No one has recognized them yet. It's been several days. Everyone is so caught up in their mobile phones that faces are long forgotten. Plus, the band members are miles away from their home and chances of recognition were low anyway. The band didn't perform anymore even though they hadn't broken up. They just didn't because they felt they didn't reach out to people anymore, no one heard them, no one saw them, no one appreciated them. Being used to the opposite kinds of societal behaviour for years, they lost interest in doing music even for themselves.

Someone needed to tell them that they should keep the music alive, even if for just themselves. The guitars should be strummed, the drums should be played, the bass should be brought to life. So I descended from my overseeing position to them. They were pretty surprised to have met someone who recognized them and their music even,and in Darjeeling. I convinced them somehow that they should do music again. As an idea, asked them to take their musical instruments out to the bazaar and sit down at a spot and start to play their stuff and see i they enjoy playing with each other. They go up the mall road to the centre of the little town, sit down and start playing. Eddie is in a maroon flowery half-kurta, Mike is in blue, Stone is all wrapped up, Matt and Jeff are in dark green half kurtas. The band looked fabulous as the crowd started to gather around slowly. They had bought an old black radio from the antique shop and kept it in front of them as they played.

Slowly the fervour returned, Eddie's voice grew more confident, Mike's licks became more prominent and the band started to have fun. I stepped aside and flew back up to my overseeing position and watched the band regaling the crowd and finally doing music again.

And I woke up.

Dream Diary- Coldplay

As is very much evident from my blog, Coldplay is my most favourite band ever. Coldplay have never played a gig in India and they have a huge fanbase here. So when suddenly there was news and videos on Facebook of Chris Martin dropping into Summerhouse Cafe in Hauz Khas,New Delhi and performing 2-3 songs on a guitar around June this year,I was almost in tears. It did not stop there; the whole band flew down to Mumbai to shoot a video at Bandra Fort. Images surfaced of the band covered in Holi colors and shooting a video. And I couldn't believe it-Coldplay was in India, and just a few hundred kilometers away from me. All the sadness settled like sediments in bog water. I believe tThis dream was an influence of these very situations.

Dream Log 1:

Coldplay was in India. And I was there with them,backstage with a few of my friends(my ex-bandmates). When the show started, my friends had made their way to their seats; I missed the start of the show because I got into a fight with some woman who was bullying a kid. I have no idea where that kid came from. But point is, we were all friends with the Coldplay guys.Chilling at backstage together like long-time buddies,felt so cool. The show started, and they had a circular stage that U2 used in their song "City Of Blinding Lights" with the lights going in circles around them and the back lit up like the video of Coldplay's "Speed Of Sound".There were lights and fireworks and heavenly Coldplay music had descended upon us and out of nowhere, I got called upon stage to start the song "Fix You". I think it was a woman who called me onstage on behalf of Coldplay but she was also the one bullying the kid so I got onstage and punched her;she was Walter White's(yes,Breaking Bad reference!)wife(In real life, I find her character dangerously irritating!). I started Fix You, Coldplay took over, did the rest of the song, then played all my favourites (LOL!) and the concert was a tremendous success.

Also Coldplay 's band manager was Raghu from the MTV India show, Roadies;and as usual, he was shouting his head off before and after the gig at Coldplay and was shouting at us too(Can't remember why!). I think that's why us and Coldplay could and were chilling together,as we both were on Raghu's "silver lined" verbal receiving end(guess we kinda felt united in chilling together,against Raghu!) 

Everything was happening in such a rush and breathlessness that it felt maddening almost; I felt the need to wake up and did wake up all out of breath,excited,rushed,pumped.
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I want to write down a few other dreams in my next few blogposts, mainly because I can never remember my dreams so I want to archive kind of whatever I remember. People tell me about their dreams,I never have any to offer. I know I dream a lot but I never remember them. Yet lately, remembering them and even controlling them has been easy it seems(if I wake up in the middle of my dream, I can fall back asleep and start off the dream from where I had left off;just by willing it! WOW!). I am glad the first dream I remember in my recent times has Coldplay in it. Call it Magic, call it truth.... Till the next time!

Daastaan-e-IT

Zindagi mein sab kuch kaise khataara hai.
Ya toh Slow hai nahi toh NO hai.
Lagbhag everyday,pareshani ki hadh paar ho jati hai.
Par kuch sudhre bhi, baaki sab kuch aur bikhar jaati hai.

Middle finger dikhane ka man bhi ho toh
Fevicol lagana padhta hai.
Pyaar bhi karna ho toh Sunny se nahi, 

cubicle se karna padhta hai.


Shaadi,bache,foreign trips chhorke,

Feed mein aur kuch bhi dikhta hi nahi.
Darr lagta hai gaali bhi copyright na karle,
Ajkal ke hazaro smartasses mein se koi.

Split Personality

There's water everywhere,
I am floating against Gravity without any sign of land nor of a tree,
So how are there birds hovering?
Oh! Vultures trying to suck my soul up towards them.
21 grams, I had read a conspiracy theory once,
That was what the soul weighed.
Eternity, I had learned from various sources,
That was how long the soul existed.

Gravity is strong,
The Vultures are strong.
I needed balance.
I needed strength.
I needed ropes.
I needed balance.
My 21 grams of soul could stay in place then.

Sometimes I feel myself split,
Into two unequal halves like a fruit randomly cut into two.
One of the parts has a worm in it, trying to dig into the other side too.
The other part stares back lifeless.
Both shaking for some time,
Till Gravity stabilizes,
Metabolizes,
The vibrations of the molecules inside
And both lie still.

Yet Gravity synthesizes,
Randomizes,
New patterns in my head.
A clean slate without worms.
I see trees on the water and the Vultures caught in the spiderwebs between the branches.
I had learnt to swim and could stay afloat for a while.
But Gravity would play it's part.
So I needed to climb the trees,
If I climbed the trees,
There were Vultures and Spiders waiting for me.


And Gravity synthesizes,
Randomizes,
New patterns in my head .
The worm interferes. 
I see an island with trees on it at a distance,
I had learnt to swim and could swim for a while.

I needed land,
I needed to climb the trees.

The Vultures wouldn't follow till the island if I started to swim,
I would drown anyway, I would be a treat.

I start swimming,

Add caption

The worm leaves the fruit suddenly.

Gravity synthesizes,
Randomizes,
New patterns in my head.
A clean slate without worms.
I see trees on the water and the Vultures caught in the spiderwebs between the branches.
I had learnt to swim and could stay afloat for a while.
Then Gravity would play it's part.
So I needed to climb the trees,
If I climbed the trees,
There were Vultures and Spiders waiting for me.


The worm would die.
But the fruit would still remain in two halves.

Darkness/Light

And we sailed into the darkness
Where there was light all around
Yet none ahead.
The hands pushed with all their might
We had no choice but to move ahead.

Gushing, spilling over, rushing
Most people made way for us.
Others we pushed out of the way,
Abstract,
Schizophrenic,
Imaginary,
Unhappy,
Monotonous,
Arsonists.

The voices reached out to us,
Cold and faint at times,
Warm and endearing at times,
Scared and frightened at times,
Scary and frightening at times,
Wrapping us up in their arms,
Scattering hopes and dreams.

At least we had each other's company,
And words,
And songs,
And the wind,
And the dew in the mornings,
And the sea or the mountains at times.
The tunnel grew narrower than ever
With each passing day,
The video grew darker.
The audio became more faint.
Yet we were there;
Suspended, pulled, pushed forward,
Yanked sideways even.

Speed decreased, time was carefree;
Doing whatever it wanted, whenever it wanted.
We turned to look at each other,
Right in the eyes, without even a smile.


The darkness ahead
Gave away all at once.

And there we were in the white mouth of the tunnel,
Facing each other for our first kiss.

*Thanks to LITTLEGIANT PHOTIOGRAPHY for this pic I found on Google. I have merely edited it a little. I do not own rights to the photo*

Gravity - Coldplay

*I do not own any rights to the song, lyrics or video* :)

This is one of the most underrated and beautiful songs of the band. The song is not part of any album; I read somewhere they wrote this song and gave it to some band called Embrace who made a crappy version of the song. This version, however, is haunting and evokes so many feelings at once if u sit back and listen to the song alone and feel it. 

The video is not an official one too, but made by a Coldplay fan channel-Coldplay Music. The video is a perfect match to the haunting feeling rained down by the song and the lyrics. It's beautiful and mesmerizing. The artwork is simple, and the animated dance in the video is more than perfect. Kudos to the creators of the video. And a bigger kudos to Coldplay for touching so many heartstrings at once.

The video is here at Gravity-Coldplay

Gravity

Baby
It's been a long time coming
Such a long, long time
And I can't stop running
Such a long, long time
Can you hear my heart beating?
Can you hear that sound?
'Cause I can't help thinking
And I won't stop now
And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me
And then I looked up at the sky
And saw the sun
And the way that gravity pushes on everyone
On everyone
Baby
When your wheels stop turning
And you feel let down
And it seems like troubles
Have come all around
I can hear your heart beating
I can hear that sound
But I can't help thinking
And I won't look now
And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me
And then I looked up at the sky
And saw the sun
And the way that gravity pushes on everyone
On everyone
On everyone
On everyone
On everyone
On everyone 

Coldplay

I think I will cry if I ever get to see this band perform live. Don't ask me what would happen if I got to meet any of them.
My life has become Coldplay. Everywhere.Everything. Everytime.
If I could, I would write the lyrics of each of my favourite songs in my blog.
I discovered a new song by the band today,titled Gravity. I do not know how I have not heard the song before. But I think it's my second favourite song after Fix You now. I have been on a loop with the song the whole day now. For some reason... the song makes me feel a lot of things all at once but I really do not know what these feelings are. I just know that there's a lot of feels in this song.
With each album, the songwriting changes,twists,turns and amazes like crazy. The last album seems to be more of storytelling than songwriting. And for some reason I feel each song transcends into the next one on the album.
There are songs by the band that are not on the popular list of Coldplay songs but are gems of their own kind. I have never heard a band so consistently beautiful. I think they are one of the main reasons I still do music. The highs and lows of each song, of each album is a fantastic ride.
My favourite songs by Coldplay are Fix You, Gravity, Amsterdam, and I am already lost about the rest....can't really pick one anymore. Favourite album has got to be Ghost Stories without doubt. The songs are beautiful. Each song more beautiful than the previous one.
Chris Martin was in India a few months back and performed randomly to a crowd in a cafe in New Delhi.I don't think I have ever felt such jealousy, sadness and all the negative emotions possible at the same time.
Every word of every song is a gem. The way the words are woven together is like magic that I have come to know only second to Leonard Cohen. But for me, Coldplay songs have tunnelled ahead of Leonard Cohen songs.

For The Love Of Gigs!!

Coming from Calcutta, being a musician, weekends meant plenty of live gigs, jams etc. Now I am in Pune where weekends mean only drinking and clubbing. There are no live bands, live music places on weekends in Pune. Everything is over by Thursday at all pubs, cafes etc. Cover bands, tribute shows, stand up comedy, open mics,karaoke, you name it and it happens from Monday through Thursday. Friday night onwards people are sloshed and dancing to the same beats over and over again.

In the midst of all the drunken clubbing scene of weekends, Classic Rock Coffee Company in Koregaon Park has taken an initiative to host one band or act in a month on a Saturday which is actually a great relief to people like me who just cant get sloshed and dance to the same beats every weekend. Its just been two months that they have started and I have been to both acts. Inside the pub/cafe they have actually made a small amphitheater and a stage with lights and sound for bands which is way better than most of other places in Pune.

They started with hosting Indian Ocean at the end of June. The small amphitheater was packed to capacity or maybe more, cheering and singing with the band as they played their songs and made jokes on stage. The overall sound was pretty decent, the band started on time and played a pretty long set. Everyone was having a good time onstage as well as off stage. The pub even threw in free dinner and food for all the guests along with the band's performance which actually deserves a thumbs up. We just showed up to watch the band perform live and then made our way back home.

The second act at July end was Indian rock band Parikrama. Parikrama Live was much awaited. The last time I had watched them live was in Nazrul Manch, Kolkata, at some college fest. Being a newbie to music, Parikrama was amazing then!!! But I am digressing.

I expected CRCC to deliver like they had with Indian Ocean. I was disappointed.Bookmyshow said 6PM, Facebook said 7 PM, hoardings said 6 PM again; we reached at 6PM to avoid missing out in case it started at 6 PM. We had to wait till 815 PM,sitting through various fun-games(that reminded me of team events in office)concocted by the management to keep the audience entertained(Please note:In a rock show, the people in the audience will understand what's going on and just a simple message saying the band will start a bit late due to  a few issues is wayyyyy better than calling up people on stage and making them dance/do pushups just to make sure the organizers' names aren't tainted in any way).

So...... The sound check wasn't done, the band didn't seem interested anymore, there were problems with the guitar output, the band had to get ready etc etc. Parikrama started at around 815 PM and by 10 PM they were done.  We were thoroughly disappointed. Maybe they had intended to do more songs but because of all the delay,had lost interest in doing so. I get their point of view;it's pretty natural if you have opened for giants like Iron Maiden. The sound was bad, guitar solos got lost between backing guitars, the bass stopped working somewhere in the middle of the show, couldn't hear vocals a lot of times which were overpowered by other instruments.

But whatever Parikrama performed was a relief to weekend-gig-stricken people like me. The best part was the cover of Teenage Wasteland that they did. I have never heard any band playing this track live. Being one of my all time favourites, I was pretty damn surprised to hear the opening notes of the song when it started. Personally, I did not like the acoustic cover of But It Rained Nitin and Sonam did but Open Skies, Vaporize and Am I Dreaming made up for the song.The band ended with the ACDC song Highway to Hell and left a lingering mix of satisfaction and dissatisfaction within.

Kudos to CRCC for taking this initiative in Pune. Apart from hosting bands on weekends they are doing Open Mics, Tribute Nights, Karaoke Nights which obviously fall on weekdays again but no matter;they are hosting Karsh Kale and the MIDIval Punditz at the end of the month of August,2015. Here's to hoping other places in the city follow suit regarding weekend live gigs. Cheers!!

Rebel Pop

Okay, after reading this post(or not reading it!)some people might nickname me Narcissus but its something I consider an achievement in life and hence wanted to write about.

I have made it. After a lot of effort at the gym, swimming, food its all paid off. Weight loss is a lot of a mental challenge as a physical challenge. True, I am nowhere near abs, but it feels so much better;mentally and physically. Old clothes fit, smaller clothes fit, wardrobe needs a makeover. Plus its all coupled with the fact that my looks changed too, which required as much of an effort mentally too. Having long hair is trouble but I have come to deal with it by now.

I had started to bloat so much that my waist size went up to 36 at a point in my life. New clothes, XL tees and Shirts over 40 had to come to the rescue. But now thanks to ABs gm and swimming, YouTube and Sharda Centre Gym I am on the other side again.
Now I am down to a waist size lesser than 32(can't believe that myself!!)and on the happier side of life.
I am a foodie(comes with being a Bengali I guess)and eat just about anything and everything and no surprise, love eating. It had to be a lot of self control that made me not want to eat. But I started to do something else-I made sure I wasn't eating much of any high calorie food. That meant I was eating everything from burgers to cheesecake but not much of them, assuring my brain I had eaten thus.
Then I asked a cousin of mine to draw me up a diet chart which she did and I followed that for two weeks straight along with an additional warm water-lemon-honey concoction in the morning. That burned fat like anything I believe truly. Nonetheless, the battle was hard being  a foodie and I was finally able to buy tees of M size and a pair of jeans which is 32 at the waist very recently.

It's now all about keeping in shape in the days to come. For some reason at 26, when everyone I know are getting married, settling down, having babies, getting deadFromThe9To6Job haircuts, buying more and more formal clothes, getting their shit together, getting plump and rosy and being happy with their lives, I want to keep doing the opposite till I feel like I should be a part of that crowd too(which I assume will be very late or not happen at all!!). Hence I am not getting married, not settling down, not having babies, keeping long curly hair,getting contact lenses, buying bandanas, graphic t-shirts, messing up more and more, losing weight and I am happy with my life. YET.

The Thing About You

The thing about you is that 
When I look into your eyes
I feel like I should smile at you
In a way you cant deny(me)

And you would be bound to smile
And get me in your head
Where I'd  do things to u
You'd wish I wasn't there.

Yes I know that you already are
Hooked to the chemical system
That's flashing its signs
Saying we're meant to be....
We're meant to be...
We're meant to be....


The thing about you is that
When your saying things to me
I feel like I should kiss your lips
Wherever we might be.

And you'd be bound to kiss me back
Resisting nevertheless

Cuz for some hysterical reason
You wanna pretend to be my friend.
 
But I know that you already are
Hooked to the chemical system
That's flashing its signs
Saying we're meant to be....
We're meant to be...
We're meant to be....
 
The thing about you is you're the one for me.
Your hands twitch like mine do when we're near.
I'll wait I'll wait I'll wait for you.
And when you're done, I'll be still be here for you.

Habits

I could wait till you said yes
I could lie to the world
About how you turned me down 
The first time i reached out.
 
I could take my world n turn 
Turn it upside down
And hold my breath till you straighten
Straighten my world out.
  
And I'll keep holding to the last bit of you
And go about my days like you're gone.

I could never look at you straight in the eye,
Cuz waves and walls kept crushing my mind.
But over the years I got used to your sounds,
Now you're a habit I cant get around.


I could spend all my days
Wandering through the trees
Picking blades of grass
Feeling incomplete.

I could be listening to a song
That reminded me of you
But I wouldn't tell a soul
That I was feeling blue.

And I'll keep holding to the last bit of you
And go about my days like you're gone.

I could never look at you straight in the eye,
Cuz waves and walls kept crushing my mind.
But over the years I got used to your sounds,
Now you're a habit I cant get around.

Distance

Overboard and yet unfettered,
Was there reason to drown?

Floating on the surface and yet an urge to drown
Was there any reason to swim?

He wondered if she could hear his signals.
She thought he was still at the other end of the ship.
He saw the rush in her eyes.
She thought her touch had seemed hesitant.
He needed to be certain.
She needed a reason.

Who would voice their emotions?

Bound souls, cast away,
Traveling worlds.
In touch with reality
Out of touch with the surreal.
And so the unsteadiness,
Even though the weather was calm.
Wondering about the next step to take,
Wondering about the next words to say.

Shiver,Paralysed

Its not easy when you know
something's about to happen
something you didn't want
in the first place.

But its on the way
you know it for sure
and there's nothing in the world
that can stop it at all.

You dig a hole
and disappear undeground
And it follows you down there
snaking behind you.

You shiver, paralysed.
hold your breath in vain
knowing you're just a little ahead.
a mental pat on the back.

the moment comes
you're caught
squeezed and twisted
till you gasp for breath.

And you never prepared
even though you knew
convinced yourself
it wasnt possible.

So you shiver, paralysed
gasp for breath in vain.
knowing you're taken in
gone from your world.

centrEpoint

I despair,
Amidst the fools that behold me.

Underneath the tassels
the grate of the fireplace isn't warm enough.
I need the fire.
I need to feel the heat,
surging through my skin,
sucking lifeblood.

I cannot
overlook nor oversee.
procrastinate nor complete.
light up nor burn.
disappear nor turn.

Vigorously oscillating
Warping my form
Extremes untouched
In paradoxes I storm.
Tremendous breaths
Gigantic sighs
Miniatures of laughter
Am I alive?

Brainwashed,
Pushed along,
On the foggy road
They could never stay strong.
They brainwashed me too
Pushed me along
On the foggy road
I realized the wrong.

But I am too late,
I despair,Amidst the fools that behold me.

Friend

Amidst the daily rush,
I found you.
Sitting quiet in the room
With your plaits and your smile.

The words tumbled all around,
And i seemed to have lost language.
My eyes turned furtive
Locking gazes and wrenching away at the same time.

I found something and lost something
and I have no words yet, to describe what they were.

There was a fall and then I gathered myself,
Slowly and steadily over the years,
As realizations set in,
As time kidnapped me.

Physics set in,
Distances and time and all kinds of parameters.
But the souls aren't governed by the same rules,
And so we managed to share the same space.

You were there and you are here.
The star light years away.
The star I can see with my naked eye.


The love stayed, warping over time
Into a memory and a bond.