Regrets.

Regrets. The worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone. I think it comes for insecurity and from being unsure about things in life. If there was only a definite way to get away from all this but alas, there are none. Try running away from any situation in life and it will be clear to you when the regrets set in. Try getting closer to something and it will, again, be clear to you when the regrets set in. You need a balance and that’s what life tries to teach us all the way through school, college, jobs; from the start to the end. And you will never know where that point is. Where you are happy with all you have and sad about nothing. That’s the way life is. It keeps throwing stuff at you, new things you have no idea about and old things that you had forgotten so much about that they seem new too. And once you go wrong or leave something unattended, unfinished, it’s time for regrets in your future.

It’s the one thing I never want to have in life. Even if something goes wrong I want to look at it as an experience and forget having regrets about it. I really cannot undo the past so there is really no use being sad about it. Quoting a friend, “Having a sorted out present ensures a regret free future”.  Hence, my immediate plan is to sort out what I have now and leave the worries of the future behind. Which is actually quite a paradox. But I really can’t say leave worries of the future ahead.

The Heart and The Shroud.

No I don't really feel like everything is right. I really don't know how 25 is supposed to feel. But looking around I really don't know what to make of anything right now. Reasons are exactly in two categories: one being a set of people who are slamming good jobs, getting married, settling down etc etc. The other being a set of people in which I am too-the confused ones- still looking for better jobs, partying, getting high, doing their stuff with hardly a care of the world.

I don't know which path is right and my heart keeps telling me to do what I feel is right. To me, people are important and thats what's driving me. I like a lot of people in my life, and that means the second one definitely. But is it the right path? Society says the first one is right and now I am caught between making myself happy which would mean utter selfishness n disregard for people asking to be a better societal man and trying to be all grown up , settle down get a good job etc which would mean utter disregard for my own self.

And spiralling down to that same inevitable question at the roots of all problems- is society a norm or a distraction to go forward in life?

Any argument that could start on the basis of the above question will never have an end result. The structure of human society is so complex and has so many layers on itself that it is inevitable that if you start peeling off one bad layer, a good layer will have to compromise too.

The songs, poems, movies, books have always talked about following your heart but is it ever possible to do so? Bound by society, its unwritten laws, shrouded hypocrisy, you can never say or do what you really want. There are always people to pull you down, make life uncomfortable at times for no reason whatsoever. Is it really a crime to want all the good things in life? I know again there would be a darker side to it too, but its really not wrong to think so.

I really feel a bit lost at times about everything, And with time rushing by at such breakneck speed,it seems to be lost forever too.

Yours Forever

All the times you stood by me
Never doubting the way I look.
Cuz I was always your spark
Faltering but there I stood.

Up in your arms
across your sky,
in your dreams
in your daily stride.
Down in the dark
I was your light
and I knew
that you were mine.



And if the stars never showed their light
the darkened sky couldn't hold me back
from being your star in your own skies.
And if the words came to an end
I'm still yours forever
in all those letters unsent.



And each time I made you smile
I felt the glow upon my cheeks.
Always knowing I had a special place
little did I know you would

Leave me alone
turn off the lights
In my dreams
In my daily stride.
And I could just try
Standing aside
But I knew
That you would mind.



And if the stars never showed their light
the darkened sky couldn't hold me back
from being your star in your own skies.
And if the words came to an end
I'm still yours forever
in all those letters unsent.

Firefly.

The dream was to hit the road. Blame it on the books, blame it on the movies, blame it on the soaps and sitcoms and the songs and the poetry. I knew I had to do it someday. Every little brush with the difficulties of growing up strengthened my resolve and weakened my heart. Its another world. It's another song. A song about the last days being tied up,a song about the last days with people you know, a song about the first of many firsts, a song about unraveling, a song about the lights on the buildings far away, a song about leaving behind love, a song about carrying memories on 4X6 pieces of glossy paper.

With the trees and the wind as the theme music of life, the sing song voices of the farmers who'd lend food, the humdrum of rivers crashing and pulling through the rocks, I could be the skin on which rocks could sketch my name and hide so very lightly from the eyes of others.

I could hide, I could laugh, I could see, I could feel. Away from the masks, I would slip mine off and that face which they once knew would be out in the sunshine again, and they will not see me because that face would have been forgotten long back. And the sun wouldn't be as hot as it earlier felt. The winds would be cooler than ever but the road would stretch and I would have to move.

One step,two steps and another five in all.
That's all it takes to make it out of the door.
And once out,there's no twice to it
Because if you look back and you heart latches onto a memory
You will smile and your mind will bend.
The years have taken their toll.
This could have been easy
But now the mind is aged and the heart is weak.
You've lost your trust.
You can't lose your trust.
Especially when the one to trust
Is you yourself.

A firefly.
With no one to guide
And a light of your own.