Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away. But one of these days I'll grow old And I'll grow brave and I'll go.

Excess of anything is always bad. Whether it's the bad stuff or the good stuff. We learnt the proverb way way way back. The implementation, realisation, etc took place not until recently. Life has changed so  so so much in the past few years that it is impossible to even wake up from the daze. There is no way to sit back and nod my head stolidly and say, these many years have gone by, these are the things that have changed, these are the things I did, these are the things I shouldn't have done. 
No no no no, I can't do that can I? Because it has all happened so fast (and it's continuously picking up more momentum+speed), I cannot even fully comprehend the events or their implications.

I think of sitting down sometime and penning all the varieties of thought down someplace so that I can remember better. But it's just when I do that that I lose track of everything to write about. Someday it's all going to ease out,but this is not the age nor the time nor the place for it. I am not waiting for that day because being busy is the only way to be for me. I have things to do, always it seems. I have stuff to write, always it seems. I have places to visit,always it seems. But the seemingly easier life has caused an unseeming roadblock, one that I cannot get past most of the time. But I keep believing I'll get better, and handle everything better. One day.




Rabbit says the Mayukh from first year of college was a way better person. The smile then was more innocent,full of dimples, mischevious and broad. I agree that the very same smile is either covered by the unruly layers of insulation that prevent the dimples from showing themselves and stretching of the skin to a broad level or the more realistic reason, which is that I grew up somewhere, made choices, became conscious and cautious, learnt more about the people, and forced a set of whities through the lips.
All the colors are up there to choose from anyway.
So why look down?

The conversation made me sad. And I look around at everyone, from my colleagues to my parents and I realise that every person is sad somewhere for one single reason; they grew up; which has all the sub reasons like they gave up dreams, their first kiss, traded soulmates for normal, stable lives,realised too late that hoping for changes was silly etc etc etc etc etc etc.

I don't wish to be part of this stability. When the day comes that even I realise I have aged, I want to know that I've had my fill of everything. Maybe I will, maybe these two lines will be history. But I'll try my best not to feed these lines to termites for as long as I can.