Dawn Breaks and all hell breaks loose...

I don't know if it's just me or everyone else. When dawn breaks, I get a very weird feeling. I mean, yes, I have the habit of staying awake the whole night since class 11 and very often till dawn breaks, but even after all these years I get a weird feeling everytime. Dawn's breaking as I type. And I realised that I need to get it out today somehow. At this moment everyone is asleep. Everyone, whether at home or the hostel. Everyone is soundly sleeping.And here I am typing away or playing games or reading or studying,whatever.

Thoughts cross my mind now, streak across like meteors, whizzing past each other, showing themselves on the brain screen where I get to see them and then rushing away. I do not know why it happens exactly in spite of my experience regarding it. But one guess would be that at the back of my mind I know that this ain't normal. And I am deviating from the normal by staying awake. And then further the questions deepen, am I doing it right? I mean, is it alright for my future? Is it proper? And so on they deepen-is what I am doing in life right? Cuz even that seems really abnormal and disembodied sometimes. And my weird weird mind goes off on its own, asking stupid questions, answering them itself, making up stories, convincing and not convincing itself, making me feel good and bad, silly and haughty, stupid and intelligent, and what not.. Sheer retardedness I am now convinced. Big time retard, moron of a retard I am. Not even the proper one....I hate hanging in the middle...always...I sooo wanna start life again afresh. Sick and tired of everything happening in this one. Sucks to WBUT for making me think and think and think so much about how fucked up my life is. Any slang would be an understatement for them....Stupid asses, mf's....balls!!!!!