Sunday, March 21, 2010

Always....Al-bloody-ways...!!!

This one's a doodle dawdle scribbling random post. Crap. Period.

Sometimes I do feel like crap. When people race ahead and I get left behind. Its frustrating. Here I am trying my hand at whatever I feel I am good at to give back something to the parents' expectations and each bloody time I end up with nothing. Always. Al-bloody-ways. Turns down me morale. I feel
1>useless
2>hopeless
3>pointless
4>worthless.


Utter crap.Always. Had the western vocals finals today at the IEM fest. I came 4th. 1.5 marks less than 3rd place.
With me its always these decimal or nominal numbers. Always. 1.5???

1> 1.5 marks less than 3rd position=4th at IEM fest.~~~ Discouraged.
2>1 mark less than the top score=Mr. Fresher title at college lost.~~~WTF??!!?!?!?!?
3>2 marks less than 3rd place=4th position at some random competition.~~~Dhurr!!!
4>Statesman Scrabble-I have been playing every year it took place from class 7 I guess- reaching semi finals,quarter finals, finals,then lost.~~~Crap,it goes on and on. Always.
5>National Scrabble Championship,Hyderabad-11th, just 1 more than the top 10 people.~~~ Not done,not fair at all!!!
6>8.8-ICSE marks=0.2 less than 9.~~~huh???
7>7.81-Semester marks=0.19 less than an 8 point.~~~ whY wHY WHY??
8>8.31-Semester Marks=0.19 less than an 8.5 point.~~~ WHY WHy Why??
9>ummmmmmmm......Can't remember anything else. But there has to be. This list isn't anywhere as short as far as I remember. Just wish I could remember what else was there in the list.

Anyways,fact is,its always those nominal or the decimal digits. Always. I'll come close to achieving something and then something or the other has to happen. Has to. Always. Its frustrating now. I keep on thinking about it. I bunked a whole week of college and practiced n practiced. Recorded songs, sent out for opinions. Yes, I get selected for the finals. And what happens there? Nothing... Fate has and always will run out on me. Playing dirty all the time. All my life. I'll get close to something I am yearning for. Almost tangible it is when She will just Snatch it away. Yes, its the perfect word for it-SNATCH!!!! ALWAYS......

Monday, March 01, 2010

The Martyr

You cursed my eyes open
When all I could see was black with glittering buttons of light when the light crossed.
And all I saw was white all around-a world different from what I had known and seen.


You're scarred and broken against the might and greed forced on
you.
And you plead to die, if not, get over the pain quickly.
And what was & never will be is in the disguise of the sheep that still bleats on the mountain side crying against the biting winds that storm from the north.


And you shall never be born again,

But we will carry on, murderers who killed you and me.
And you'll still beckon, you'll yet plead
And we'll lend our ears, but never will we ever meet.


Let my eyes shut and let me hallucinate of streaks of light in a place where silver women talk to trees,
Where lust and greed rarely meet,where you barely choke from the smoke and filth.
Yes we will meet there, in a world lost long before in dreams and songs,
And the sheep shall bleat on the mountainside while I'll look down,
Circling against the white rocks in the untouched blue, flying against the west wind that plays puppeteer to the trees.


And you shall be born again...